Time To Blow Out
by MissMei21
Summary: Katie's smart enough to know that she has feelings that go past "big brother" when it comes to James. But with the new guy she's been talking to and the trauma she experiences, James should be the least of her worries.. right?
1. I Wanna Go

"You're not honestly going out like that are you? Actually.. what makes you think you're even going out at this hour?"

James. I should have known he would say something. Personally, I don't think I look half bad. From what I saw in the mirror, I look pretty sexy if I may say so myself. Black dress, hair in loose waves, four inch heels, flawless makeup—I say I look fucking ready for some Ke$ha inspired times.  
>But James. Ever since Kendall and mom decided to go home to Minnesota for the summer, James has been prancing around claiming to be the "man of the house". Of course my mom didn't disagree because James's build and character does technically scream "MAN" the minute he enters a room.. But I won't get into that yet. I would have gone with Kendall and mom but I scored a summer job working under Gustavo's instruction at Rocque Records. Not the best way to spend my summer listening to Gustavo and Kelly argue about what image would go well for Big Time Rush's Fall Comeback, but I get to have a say in some of their decisions so I stick around. And the pay helps keep up with my growing shoe collection..<p>

I would say I have changed from being the scheming little sister to a more sophisticated, business ready young woman. Okay so the "sophisticated young woman" bit came from my mom but it sounds better than "little sister" right? Trust me, I can still take a creep down with a single drop kick and beat the boys at an intense game of poker but I now prefer to look fabulous while doing it. If you can't kill with brains then you might as well kill with looks is what I say.

So tonight is my friend's sweet 16 and she's going all out with a huge party at a rented out hall; DJ and open bar all night, too. It's Hollywood, what else can you expect from a party? My 16th birthday was spent with the guys and my mom at the PalmWoods pool, so I intend to go all out with this party. I told my mom about it and she agreed as long as I get home at a decent time and don't lose control; she's not stupid. She knows what goes on in Hollywood considering that she raised 4 teenage boys here for the past 5 years.

But James..

"What do you mean "at this hour""? It's not even 10 PM. And I think I look perfect tonight, thank you very much," I replied. It sounded a little stuck up, but come on, I'm a 16 year old girl; nothing can stop me right now.

"That dress is a little too short, Katie. Where are you even going?"

I notice Logan and Carlos put down the game controls and turn the TV off, looking a little out of place in the suddenly tense living room. James is on his feet by the couch and I'm slowly trying to edge my way toward the front door. Why does my room have to be right in front of the TV? This whole confrontation could have been avoided..

I look up at James. "Not that it's any of your information, but I'm going to Kelsie's sweet 16 tonight. I already told my MOTHER about it and she's perfectly fine with it. And considering the girls you've been going after since you turned 18, I'd say this dress is completely prudish." At this point I was mad. He was NOT my father. I mean sure he's looking out for me but I'm not a ditzy whore who doesn't know her limitations. I am more responsible for my body and mind than any other teenage girl in this stupid resort. I would appreciate his concern if he started treating me a little more equally rather than as if I'm still 11 and don't know what parts of the male anatomy look like.

Shit. He looks furious now. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the girls he's "dated".

"Even mentioning those girls gives me enough of a reason to stop you from going out tonight. I know Hollywood parties and I know Kelsie Oak. You should NOT be seen at those parties, especially at your age. You know what people will say."

"No, James, apparently I don't. Are they gonna call me a whore because it's the kind of party where you picked up yours? I'm sorry, I honestly thought you knew me better than that."

Logan and Carlos are stirring in their seats and are slowly edging out of the living room to escape the oncoming war. I can't blame them; James and I have been at this since the start of the summer.

"Are you listening to yourself, Katie? You sound like a spoiled brat! I'm trying to look out for you here. If Kendall was here, he would back me up."

"Yeah well he's not here, James. And you have no authority over me right now. I AM going."

I storm towards the door, overwhelmed and emotional at this point. I'm one of those people who cry when extremely frustrated or angry and it was taking everything I had not to let a few tears slip in front of James. I have my hand on the door when I feel my right arm twist back behind me.

"You're. Not. Going," he whispered slowly, pushing his lips to my ear and pressing me against his chest.

Ooooooohhhhh my god. If that didn't sound as scary as it was meant to be, I would probably push myself against the door and beg him to tie me to his bed and keep me with him forever. This man is sexy; the exact definition of sex itself. But I'm too distracted by how out of line this comment is so I ignore my swooning side and pull myself out of his grasp.

"Don't. Ever. Touch. Me. Again." And just like that, with all the hatred I could muster up, I looked up at him one last time and stormed out of the apartment. From what I can recall as I make my way down the elevator, he looked like someone just slapped him in his "pretty face"; angry, shocked, and even a little hurt. But I push aside my guilt as I see the VIP limo waiting outside for me, ready to take me to the party of the year.

So this party is something I did not expect at all. It's not even in a hotel hall, first of all. She fucking rented out a club! And there are more people OVER the age of 18 than there are people my age. The other girls on my side are practically fainting at the prospect of "older men" and are fixing their dresses so their boobs are ready to fall out and adding an extra layer of lipgloss. Disgusting. I'm looking for Kelsie but I'm also just ready to head to the bar. Again, I know my limitations so starting off with a glass of Chardonnay is totally fine by me. I see Kelsie in the corner flirting with some guy who looks way too old to be hanging out with a 16 year old, but I figure let her be. It IS her birthday after all.

Alright, I am officially bored. I'm on my third glass of wine and I am starting to get a little sleepy. I don't even know where Kelsie is at this point; I lost track of her after the second glass. I could totally go for a shot right now but what kind of loser takes a shot alone? And some creep has been staring at me from across the bar for the past hour. Grow a pair, bro. Either talk to me or find something else to stare at.

"Hey."

I guess he opted for the "grow a pair" bit. About time.

"Hi." I just stared. If it took him an hour to muster up the courage to talk to me, he doesn't even get a smile. I'm gonna make this hard.

"You look lonely over here."

"Did you notice that an hour ago or do you just take long processing things in dark places?" Burn.

"Haha. And she bites too. I'm guessing you're here for Kelsie's birthday."

"So you are smart. And I'm guessing you're definitely too old to be hanging out with a 16 year old."

"I'm 17 actually. The name's Eric. I'm Kelsie's brother."

Well that was a bomb I wasn't prepared for. I guess the shock showed on my face because he just laughed.

"She doesn't mention me much, does she?"

"Not at all actually." Damn. That was a little harsh. I totally just killed the conversation.. and he was doing so well too. Boo.

"I'm not surprised. She's threatened by how sexy I am.. afraid that I'll steal her friends. But I can't help it if they're as cute as you."

I laughed. "Is that what you tell all the girls you pick up at bars?" I had a sudden flashback to what I said to James about him picking up his whores at places like this but Eric's laugh brought me back to reality. I couldn't see him too clearly in the dark club but I could tell he had nice eyes, clear and intense. I was hooked.

"Only if I can tell my charm is working." His smile is nice. "Can I buy you something besides wine? It looks really lonely." I practically jumped him at that moment.

"How about we get some shots?" It was his turn to look surprised. I decided to bring the ball to my court now. I wouldn't let him win so easily.

"Shots? You sure you can handle that?" I laughed.

"I'm more worried about you being able to handle them considering the look on your face. Kamikazes or tequila?" I almost fell out of my stool laughing by the way his mouth dropped open. I'm glad I know what I'm talking about or this would have been awkward.

"Uuhh..tequila. Yeah. Let's see how many you can handle."

5 shots in and I am done. We're dancing now and I am feeling good. I love dancing in the middle of the dance floor with everyone else pushed up against you but not really touching you. The music is a lot louder here, too, somehow. I don't know. All I can tell is that I am backed up against this guy, not really moving. We're just swaying, leaning on each other, hands everywhere. My eyes are barely open and I'm just feeling. Good. He whispered something in my ear but I'm so wasted and can't hear anything over the music that I just nod. I feel him grab my hand and lead me somewhere much quieter. It's definitely cooler out here and after that stuffy dance floor, I thank him by smiling up at him. His lips are on mine now and his hands are everywhere. Obviously I respond because I'm in that mood now. James can suck it.

Woah. Where did that come from? Why am I even thinking about James right now? Now I'm confused. But Eric feels so good against me that I'm distracted again. I'm backed up against a wall now I can tell. I really don't want this going any further than where his hand is now. I keep thinking about James and the look on his face if he finds out that I turned into a "back-alley girl". Shit. I push Eric off me a little.

"Maybe we should stop."

"Hmmm..but I know you're feeling so good. Why stop the fun now?" He had a point.

"I don't wanna do this here.. especially here." Alright.. not the most effective way to get him to back off but I can't think straight right now.

"Listen, I have my own place a few blocks from here. We could finish this up there."

"…" Say something! He definitely took my lack of response as a "yes" because now I'm being dragged along the back streets of the club to his "own place". Shit. Fuck. And crap. I glance at my phone and realize it's 3 in the morning. I was supposed to be home an hour ago. James is going to flip a shit. Ohmygod why won't he stay out of my head! This is stressing me out. I stop Eric in the middle of the street as we're crossing and tell him I really have to go.

"My brother's been texting me for the past two hours. I really need to get home."

"Do you want me to walk you? You don't look solid enough to stand by yourself, let alone walk." What a sweetheart.

"I'm fine. I really should go, though. I'll text you when I get home, how about that?"

"That sounds great. If you find a cab, get in it. Otherwise walk as fast as you can and avoid creeps."

"Yes, dad." I laughed. I am so not ready to go home by myself. Luckily, I realize that with all the walking we've done trying to get to Eric's place, I'm not too far from the PalmWoods. Just two more blocks. This is going to take forever. He put his number in my phone and now I'm off.

I hear footsteps behind me. Or next to me. I can't tell and I definitely don't want to look around. I never realized how creepy it would be walking around at 3 in the morning; completely isolated and dark, a horror movie in the making. I'm trying to think about happy things (my paycheck, my new shoes, James..) but the footsteps just won't let up.

"Hey.. hey sunshine."

Keep walking. Keep walking. Keep walking.

"It's pretty late.. what are you doing out here? All alone and dressed up like that."

Why is this walk taking so long? Am I going in the right direction.. I look up and see the PalmWoods sign glaring down at me but it definitely looks further than what I thought it was. Shit, fuck and crap again.

"Why don't I walk you home, huh? It could be dangerous out here."

Yeah, you're telling me.. creep.

"Hey! I'm talking to you!"

His hands are on me faster than I can kick him in the balls and run home. And now I'm backed up in another alleyway. What the fuck.

"It's rude not to talk to people when they're clearly addressing you. I need to teach you some manners."

Now I'm scared. This guy is definitely not playing games considering he just took out a KNIFE from his pocket. Is this his part time job or something? Wait for some lonely person to walk down the street at night before mugging them? He doesn't look like a robber, though. He looks kind of young. I can't make out the face but I can see that his hair is long and shaggy. If I wasn't ready to pee my pants, I'd say he smelled pretty good, too; clean but dirty.. like a man. I don't know what he's planning to do to me but all of a sudden his mouth is on mine and I am screaming into him like there's no tomorrow. He presses his hand into my side to shut me up and the sheer pain from his fingers pushing up my ribs leaves me gasping and ready to cry. He's looking at my face now, searching for something. I don't know what but I take this as my chance to get away. Running in 4 inch heels isn't the best idea and I don't get far before he grabs me and slams my face into the wall.

"Manners. I almost forgot." Since my dress is strapless he easily slides my hair to my left side and kisses my right shoulder. I feel the cold metal of the knife against my skin and I gasp. At this point I am so scared that even though I'm trying to scream, no sound is coming out. I realize I'm crying, too. The knife pierces my skin like a hot rod of fire and I'm sobbing uncontrollably. He holds me still, apparently trying to carve a design into my right shoulder. I scream but it seems no one can hear me because he chose a really nice spot to get his psycho carving on. I just want to run home and cuddle up with James at this point. Where is he? He should be saving me right now..

"James.."

"There. All done, princess. I don't know who this James kid is but I'm pretty sure you won't remember much after all those shots you took to tell him anything."

I felt him kiss the design he just carved into me and then walk off into wherever it is creeps go once they're done with their business. I feel myself crouching to the ground, my head resting on the brick wall in front of me taking short, rattled breaths trying to steady myself.

The PalmWoods lobby is way too bright for me at 3:30 in the morning. I sneak my way up to the apartment even though I know no one in their right mind is up at this hour. I open the door quietly, hoping that no one is still up waiting for me. But of course, there he is. Sitting on the couch, phone clutched tightly in his hand, staring at the door I just walked through.

James.

"James.."

I can tell he's winding up to lecture me about what time it is but he stops himself short by my appearance probably. Tear-stained face, fear in my eyes.. I probably look a mess. I stop him before he can say anything. He looks confused and slightly worried but I ignore it and walk towards my room making sure my hair is covering my right shoulder as much as possible. Once I reach my door, I stop and whisper into the semi-darkness, aware of the fact that he's watching my every move.

"You were right. I was in way over my head. I'm sorry.."

I feel the tears coming so I quickly walk into my room and close the door behind me, settling on the floor beside my bed, dress and heels still on, crying to myself and trying not to think about the blood sticking to my hair right now.


	2. Dr Feel Good

Considering I ended up falling asleep near 6 in the morning, I'd say I'm up pretty early. My phone clearly says 3 PM but I'm just going to read it as 9 AM on a Saturday morning. One thing I'm thankful for, though, is my natural ability (or talent, in my opinion) to not get hangovers. The only thing that hurts like a bitch right now is my right side from sleeping on the floor.. and the damn cut I have on my right shoulder currently sporting some dust from the hardwood. You'd think I would be worried about an infection but right now I'm just trying to figure out a way to crawl to my bathroom so that I can just soak in the bath until it feels like 1 PM on a Saturday.

So lying on the floor and telling myself "Get. Up. You Need a Shower." doesn't come with the results you usually hope for. It takes another five minutes but now I'm up and staggering around like I'm still drunk because I forgot I had my heels on. And my dress. And my makeup. Brilliant. I probably look like a cross between a goth and scene girl who was on her way to a fabulous dubstep party but ended up getting hit by a bus.. So imaginative so early in the morning. I smile to myself and keep attempting to make my way to the bathroom. This really shouldn't take so long. Why haven't I taken my shoes off yet to make the journey shorter, I don't know. Heels make everything an event.

Alright! Bathroom! Hair up, dress off, shoes kicked to the corner.. I am ready for bubbles! Ooooooohhhhh this feels nice. I didn't realize I couldn't feel my feet after wearing those heels but they are definitely numb now. I think my plan to stay in here for hours may just work out. Thankfully I was alert enough to take my phone in with me otherwise I would have been bored just staring at my turtle sponge on the opposite wall. OH. SHIT. Speaking of phones.. Eric!

Katie to Eric: Hey! This is Katie from last night.. this morning.. Uhh I completely knocked out when I got home so I couldn't text. I'm home safe, though. Sorry if you were stressing.

Five minutes later. Splashing around with the bubbles. Phone!

Eric to Katie: Hey! Dude you had me freaking out! Once Kelsie got home I was harassing her to tell me if you had texted her. I'm glad you're ok, though..

Katie: Haha I'm really sorry. I was exhausted. Sorry for bailing on you, too, btw.

Eric: No worries. I'm a big bro, too.. I understand how that can play out. What are you up to now?

Katie: Bath until 1 PM.

Eric: You realize it's 3:30 in the afternoon right?

Katie: Yeah.. but I feel like its 9 in the morning..

Eric: I see.. Would I be able to speed up your day for a coffee tomorrow?

Katie: Lol. I'm already in bed.

Eric: Haha alright cool. You stay at the PalmWoods right? I'll pick you up tomorrow at 1?

Katie: Sounds good to me.

Eric: Great. See you then.

Well this made bath time much more interesting. Would this count as a date? Eh. Regardless, I'll be looking good. Let's see, I have a few more bubbles left.. how about I text James? Speaking of James, the apartment is a little too quiet. Thinking back I remember the boys talking about a new pool hall grand opening.. they were probably first in line.

Katie to James: Hi

James to Katie: Hi.

Katie: Do you have time to talk to a spoiled brat?

James: ..Depends.

Katie: I'm sorry James. Can I see you later?

James: ..Yeah. I'll be home soon.

Ugh. He's still mad. Maybe I should switch over to little sister mode for a while.. make him feel like the big brother again. Right. So that means no makeup, keep my hair up, pink heart shorts, and a tank top. Perfect. Ok maybe not the tank top. Looking in the mirror now I can see the cut on my shoulder and it's looking pretty bad. Not infected bad but not like "Oh, I just tripped and stabbed myself" either. It doesn't hurt much but I still feel weird dabbing Neosporin on it. I don't want to look at it too much because until now I've kept my mind off that entire scene last night. I plan to keep it that way for a little while longer.

I'm now ready for James and making a sandwich for the two of us. We used to cuddle up on the couch with sandwiches and just talk about things in the middle of the night. I miss those times. He used to hold me tight against him so that if I was too embarrassed to say something, I could just speak into his chest. He was strong but gentle at the same time. I used to feel like the most special girl under his gaze.. I still do.

KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK

Whatthefuck. Ok, there goes the knife. I seriously don't need another scar on my body right now. I also need to stop getting distracted by James-thoughts. Hmm, there's no one at the door but there is a little bear on the welcome mat with a note in his belly (Who the hell puts a kangaroo pouch on a bear? Twisted freaks.)

_Little miss manners,_

_I hope you enjoyed the little piece of art I left behind on you. Meet me at the pool at 1 AM tonight. I know you're dying to know who I am. Bring no one. We have some unfinished business to attend to._

_T_

And now the events of last night are flowing back. This was not what I needed right now. I slipped the note into my pocket and threw the bear into the garbage. Who the hell was this asshole and what was he playing at? "Meet me at the pool at 1 AM." First of all, how does this creep even know where I live? Second, 1 AM of all times? Third, unfinished business? If he thinks I'm just going to walk on over to get myself raped, he has some serious self confidence issues to work out.

"Katie.."

James. It could have been this "T" kid since I left the door WIDE OPEN and I guess jumping five feet in the air and dropping the knife AGAIN wasn't the smoothest move.. but sneaking up on me when I'm having a mental breakdown isn't the best idea either! It's ok. I can handle this.

"James.. I made us sandwiches.."

And like the only man he glances at the sandwiches and moves over to the couch and takes a seat. If this wasn't so tense, I'd say that was the sexiest "I own you like a husband" move.. but I'd rather not get into my fantasies right now. Blushing and getting all hot and bothered while he's sitting on the couch practically showered in manliness isn't going to help with the "little sister" act. I take a deep breath and walk the plate of sandwiches and my fluttering self over to the couch, hovering next to him wondering if I should sit next to him or call him on my phone from another room.. another apartment.. Ha. Stressing out.

He pats the seat next to him and holds his arm out for the plate of sandwiches. I mentally sigh and sit down next to him waiting for him to make the move where he pulls me close to him. And there it is. He smells wonderful.. like the outside. I'm addicted to this kid as much as I hate myself to say it. Oh. He's talking.

"You know I love you right, Katie?"

I wish. I nod.

"And as my princess, I can't be a very good knight if you run off on me, right?"

I smile at the reference to our little game when I was like 7 or 8. A princess and her knight in shining armor always there to protect her at a moments notice. I snuggle into his chest while he pets my hair. He never fails to make me feel so small. So vulnerable. I wanna cry into his shirt and tell him all about this "body artist" and the fucked up bear he left for me. But I stay silent. His princess can never truly be in danger.. just a scratch here, a broken heart there. He can't heal my shoulder.

"I was worried about you, Katie. Especially when you came home looking like a frightened little girl. I wanted to kill whoever made you like that. I couldn't sleep all night.."

Stop. Please. I can feel the tears coming down and fading into his shirt. He hugs me tighter while I cling for every shred of pride I have left thinking that it's on his shirt.

"..I won't ask you what happened last night. But I need you to tell me if you're hurt anywhere."

"No.." It's more of a whimper than an actual response but it's enough to make him pull me up to face him. Under those big brown eyes, I can't help but feel guilty for lying to him. He can save me. He can meet up with "T" at the pool tonight like my big brother facing off against a bully at the school playground.. but I can't bring myself to speak. This is my battle.

"No. I was just overwhelmed. Kelsie had invited people a lot older than us and I barely knew anyone there."

He knows there's something more. Dammit! Why isn't he as dumb as he looks..

"…I'm sorry. I should have gone with you. I hope there weren't any..creeps.."

I had to laugh. He's the most adorable.. I don't even know where he came from. I hug him and grab a sandwich from the plate he hid next to him.

"No. No creeps. Just Kelsie's SEVENTEEN year old brother, Eric. He's sweet."

Oh. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. He's all tense now.. ok. Keep happily munching on your sandwich. You haven't noticed anything.

"Eric?"

"Uhh yah. He..kept me company last night."

"Company..?" I know what he's thinking..and he's kinda right. Woops.

"Because Kelsie was nowhere to be seen and I was lonely."

"I see."

At that exact moment, thank Carlos's stomach, Carlos and Logan walked into the apartment complaining about the lack of food at the pool hall. My ass "lack of food"..they probably finished most of it and decided to come home for backup nourishment. I love Carlos and Logan, but I'd rather not spend time listening to them chow down on whatever they can grab. Also, I want to protect my sandwich..

I look up at James and disentangle myself from his body. How can it be so rock hard and delicious? Alright..really? Now is not the time for that. Wait until you're back in the room, at least. Taking the rest of my sandwich, I smile down at him and walk to my room.

"I love you, James."

He smiles. No, but seriously, I do.

12:50 AM. For some reason the rest of the troops are in their respective rooms already. If this had only happened last night.. Ok. Not dwelling.

I decide to head down a little early to see if I can catch this creep before he has the upper hand again. I can hear the movie/video games coming from Carlos and Logan's rooms. Good, no one will hear the front door then. Walking along.. no one out again. Do people just vanish after midnight? I mean, don't teens live here? Teens that don't fall asleep until 2 or 3 in the morning? This is just as strange as the kangaroo bear. I'll never get over it.

Ok, no one here yet but it's eerie. That's the only word I can use.. eerie. Eerie is more spectral than creepy which is like zombies and monsters. I really need to get out of my head more often.

"Katherine.."

Woah. Eerie! I told you!

"Katherine Knight. I see you decided to show up after all."

This kid was like a ghost. I could make out the long hair and young body again but nothing more.

"Are you ever going to step out of the shadows?"

Aha! A real person! I'm surprisingly calm about this. It might be because a single scream and the entire PalmWoods will be down here in a second. He didn't think this one through. He looks as tall as James, maybe even as cute. Yeah right. Haha I'm funny.

"Do you remember me?"

"Uhh you just carved into me less than 24 hours ago..how could I forget?"

"No.. I mean before that."

Obviously not, creep.

"My name is Troy."

Okaaayyy.. this is supposed to bring up memories for me?

"Troy Hayn."

Troy Hayn..Troy Hayn.. why does that sound familiar?

"Oh my god! Plain Hayn?" OMMMGGGGG! I know him now! We went to elementary school together. He was always trying to pull pranks on people but they never worked out because he was so "average" as the other kids said. I never spoke to him but apparently he's holding some grudge against me..

"Plain Hayn..ha. I go by Troy now. Troy Hall."

"Hall? You changed your name?"

"I had to so that no one would recognize me. See, I realized my potential back in freshman year as an art prodigy. So I came here for an exhibit a few months ago and since then I've been on a roll. I'm not average anymore, Kate. Not plain."

"Doesn't that kind of ruin the point, though? If you're trying to prove you're not "Plain Hayn" anymore..was it really a good idea to change your name?"

"…This is why you annoy me. This is why I saved you for last. Always talking; never taking into consideration what other people might think."

"Wait what? Saved me for last?"

He's walking closer to me now, menacingly. I love adjectives. But yeah, I'm up against the pool chair now. And now I'm sitting on it and trying to back up some more. He puts his face right up to mine and whispers even more eerily than his own flesh and blood.

"I'm going to make your life a living hell. Just like all the others. I'm going to ruin you."

And again, I'm shuddering against the pool chair while he walks away. Final words are always the most threatening. But honestly I can't think of a reason why he would target me..

I feel a hand on my shoulder and this time almost jump into the pool.

James. Seriously? Is he going for the "most heart attacks in a day" trophy? But he looks pretty. This would be such a romantic setup if I hadn't just been threatened by a total psycho. Fuck my life.

"Katie?"

"Hi."

"What are you doing down here? It's late..and chilly."

Come to think of it.. it is kind of cool tonight. Who says chilly?

"I couldn't sleep. I needed a walk.."

"Oh. Come back upstairs with me?"

He's holding out his hand like the perfect gentleman. I'm all fluttery and bothered again and this time I let it take over me. I need a good distraction.

"Do you mind if I stay with you tonight?" In a totally platonic way, obviously.

"Not at all. I'd feel better if you did, actually."

Yes! Alright so along with the sandwich-couch-love we shared, we also used to sleep together sometimes. I'm telling you, the safety that comes from a man's arms is perfect to knock you into a beautiful state of unconsciousness. And you wake up feeling refreshed and sexy as a bonus.. but it only works if the man you're sharing a bed with feels just as sexy as you do.

I snuggle up next to him and he puts his arm around me as I breathe in his entire being. I'm a cuddler..sue me. It helps that he's shirtless and I'm wearing the thinnest piece of fabric I could find at a moment's notice. I probably won't sleep tonight if I keep thinking like this. HORMONES! Why must you ruin my innocence!

"Katie.. you smell pretty."

I blush against his chest and do a small victory dance in my head.

Woah! Did he just do that? I swear I just felt his lips brush against my forehead? He kissed me? He kissed me..

OH MY FUCKING GOD. HE KISSED ME.


	3. You Make Me Wanna Scream

**Author's Note: I love the reviews, guys :) You're all getting so into it.. making me feel all special and things haha. I hope I'm not straying too far from character types..I feel like I'm flip flopping a lot but I'll fix that in time. **

**So here's my question to you: I have a decent plot line figured out but I want to know what you guys think. Should I make Katie and Eric official or let them just play around for a bit? Thoughts? Comments? Concerns about Troy being a total psycho? **

**I accept all questions :)**

** Read on!**

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><p>Remember when I said that falling asleep next to a sexy man would lead to a refreshing morning with a sexy feeling? Scratch that. Right now I feel about as sexy as a wet dog because my insides are in a hellish state of lockdown. For those of you who need reminding (because it's not like I want to think about it again or anything), one James Diamond's lips brushed against my forehead last night. Now while I am very much ready to accept it as an accident, simple logic tells me that a person's lips don't ACCIDENTALLY brush up against a face just like how they don't ACCIDENTALLY brush up against a pole in the middle of winter. I'm still lying next to him, well more like under his leg and arm.. It's like I'm a blow up doll or something that he feels the need to squash under his weight. At least he doesn't snore. He looks like a little kid when he sleeps, actually. But! Now is not the time for that. I need to somehow get out of this mantrap.<p>

Fifteen minutes later..

Ok! I can breathe again! I can hear Carlos and Logan arguing over who should get the cereal toy and almost want to smack my forehead but don't want to harm my "special" area. I might be acting a little dramatic about this but this is a big deal. Bigger than a cereal toy! I walk out of James's room and interrupt their argument before I have to clean up cereal and milk from the floor.

"Logan, you got the toy last time. It's Carlos's this month." Little kids, honestly. Carlos starts a victory dance while I catch Logan pouting but pouring salt into Carlos's bowl of milk at the same time. I'm staying away from him today..

I grab my own bowl of cereal and settle down next to Carlos before getting milk sprayed on me as he realizes that the milk is a little too salty for his Cookie Crisps. And now Logan's on the floor laughing. This is why I need more girl friends..Wait. What was that again?

"Morning, princess."

Was that James? Did he just legitimately kiss me this time? On the cheek? Logan, Carlos and I are frozen solid now, all staring at James in his shirtless glory searching the cabinets for a bowl. For a normal person, this would be a hilarious site with Logan still on the floor peeking up over the counter like a little four year old who can't reach; Carlos holding a paper towel up to my shoulder in mid-wipe trying to clean off the milkspit; and me like a statue frozen in mid punch. There are 3 pairs of eyes on the shirtless boy wonder now turning around looking for the milk, completely oblivious to the general reaction of his audience.

"What?" Ah. He's caught on. Logan recovers first.

"Uuhh.. good morning?" Subtle.

"What? I can't kiss my little sister good morning?" Ooooh low blow, James. Now not only am I heartbroken but also disgusted by the kisses. I'm still frozen in place but Logan catches my eye and I know he can see the disappointment. Dammit, big eyes! Betraying me again. I feel a sudden weight on me and slobber all over my face.. thinking we suddenly have a dog I scream and push it off only to realize 5 seconds later that it's Carlos on the floor.. not a dog..

"Oooowwww Katiieee! I wanted to give my little sister a wake up kiss too!"

So breakfast passes by as usual after the incident with Carlos and James fighting over the toy this time. Logan and I are silent; I for obvious reasons but I can't tell what he's thinking about even though he keeps glancing up at me every 5 seconds. James makes his way over to his room first and I decide to follow once I'm done with my juice. We need to talk. He can't just barge in here and make a lip station on my face whenever he pleases! If he can then I should get those privileges, too!

While I'm folding his sheets he comes out of his bathroom with only his boxers on. I feel like a maid trying to sneak a peek at her hot boss while he looks for clothes in front of her and she tidies up his room. Oh! Dirty! Stop! Get a grip. He turns around and leans against the closet, apparently confused by my sudden existence in the room. Still no clothes on. Seriously?

"Thanks." I feel like he's going to throw me a 20 as a bonus tip for making his bed.

"What was that out there?" Straight to the point. Go Katie!

"What?"

"You know what."

"I wanted to say good morning.. and you weren't in here when I woke up so I took my greeting outside."

"You don't normally say good morning like that." He shrugged. Just a simple shrug and he thinks the conversation will be over like that. I move closer to him since he's still leaning against the closet and suddenly I'm being pulled up against him. Uncomfortable doesn't begin to explain what I'm feeling right now. On the one hand, I am excited and living through a fantasy this very moment, but on the other hand, his behavior is really freaking me out.

"Maybe I should start then," he whispers. I shudder.. this is so sexy. Forget uncomfortable, I'll let him take me right here against this closet.

"I'm just.. confused." Oh. There goes the little kid in me again. And now I'm off him again as he walks over to his bed and lays down, hands behind his head and staring up at the ceiling. I feel rejected, kind of. Keeping my head facing the closet, it is suddenly very silent and very tense in here.

"I'm meeting Eric for coffee today." Good. Change in topic. Let's not think about this silent rejection right now. Still no answer, though. I sigh and decide to leave; I have more important things to worry about anyway. Like my hair, for instance; it won't wash itself you know.

"I was hoping we could hang out today.." I stop. What is going on in this kid's head today?

"…Maybe later?"

He turns over and sighs into his pillow. "Maybe."

Not thinking about James. Not thinking about James. Not thinking about James. I'm making my way down to the entrance of the PalmWoods to meet Eric for our little coffee date and the second I see him my mind is completely off James. He looks like a movie star but I can tell he's just as nervous as I am by the way he keeps touching his hair. I want to laugh but decide not to be a dick on the first date.

"Hey."

"Hi. You look pretty."

"Thank you." With a polite smile. This is basically the whole date. Polite conversations and shy glances over cups of coffee. I learn everything and nothing about him and he learns pretty much the same about me. I'm not bored, honestly, but I can see this getting tedious after a while.

"Katie?"

I glance up to see who's calling my name when it's very clear that I'm on a date right now. Fuck. Troy. What the hell is he doing here?

"Katie! This is so weird that I found you here." Yeah. I bet you did FIND me, you stalker!

I look up at him and try to smile. "Heeey.. Troy." I don't want to introduce him to Eric at all. Please leave. Please. Please. Please. And there goes my phone. Everything seems to be going wrong right now. I excuse myself and glare at Troy as I walk away to take the call.

"Hello?"

"Hey Katie."

"James?"

"Yeah.. Caller ID much?"

"Oh sorry. I was distracted."

"I see. How's your date?" Why does he sound mad?

"It was going well but we got interrupted by some unwanted visitors."

"Oh. So are you coming home soon?" This is frustrating.

"No. James. I have work."

"Oh. Right. Sorry. I'll see you later then."

"James.. listen –"

Did he just hang up on me? Ugh! More man drama that I do not want right now! Wait. Why is Troy sitting down with Eric? And why does Eric look sick? Oh fuck me.

"Hey, sorry. That was my brother.." Ok, Eric won't even look at me right now. I can see Troy smirking in what looks like triumph right now. I'm going to kill this piece of shit.

"Katie, look. I have to go. Maybe I'll call you later. Bye."

I'm left there looking like I just got slapped in the face. I don't even look at Troy as I walk off in a fury but make sure to mutter "Piece of shit" as I walk by him. He has the nerve to laugh.

Off to work now. Kelly and Gustavo can suck it if they think I'm going to be working today. I am beyond pissed.

"Katie! You're early! How was your date?" Oh yeah.. I may have told Kelly about Eric.

"Ugh.."

"Bad, huh? Maybe you should wait it out and text him tomorrow or something."

"Yeah, I'll do that..whatever."

I'm really not in the mood to talk right now. I get straight to business helping Kelly go through album cover designs and music video sets. I'm exhausted but at least my mind has been off the three problems of my life at the moment. Seriously, it won't even be that big of a deal when I hit 18 or 20.. but right now this is occupying my lifestyle and its stressing me out.

Thankfully after work I have dance practice. I started these classes last year and they are my only outlet when I'm frustrated or just ready to break down. I know the owner pretty well by now so I can just walk into any empty studio and do my thing. I'm feeling a little feisty today and am kind of ready to start a fight so I guess hardcore dancing it is. I'm not really into KPop but they have amazing music videos and as superficial as they look, you can't hate them. They pretty much represent what every girl wants to be today.. talented, beautiful, and smart.

Songs for tonight: Abracadabra by The Brown Eyed Girls and Dr. Feel Good by Rania. I've practiced these dances religiously for 2 months now because the entire video screams sexy. Control. Power. I want to be one of those girls who can take over any situation and make it her own. I want to be the one making demands for a change. Fuck Eric and Troy and James for tonight. If they ever saw me like this, I'd have them eating out of my hand.

Maybe I worked myself a little too hard tonight. I am beat.. and it's also kind of late so I'm going to have to make the trip home alone again. So I'm walking past the same alleyway Troy attacked me the other day and I'm a little spooked, honestly. It seems like I'm over him carving into me but I'm really not. I've just done a decent job in putting it behind me for now; I haven't even looked at what he drew into my back yet. I figure that if it was something along the lines of him molesting or raping me I would be a mess right now because that's a physical and emotional trauma. This little scar on my back is just some psycho trying to scare me for revenge. I don't give in that easily.

"Hiya Katie." Oh god. Not again. How does this creep always find me? I keep walking.

"Katie, what did I teach you about manners?" I'm really pumped from the dancing so I whirl around and back him against a wall, fury creating a Super Katie ready to rip this guy to shreds.

"Who. The fuck. Do you think you are? You think you can just barge into my life and faze me with your little jokes? I'm not a weak little shit like you were, Troy..like you still are! You say you've changed but all I see is that same kid who NEVER fit in trying to make his name in an even BIGGER pond this time. Well you know what. You're going to fail. Just like you failed in elementary school, you're going to make a bigger fool out of yourself over here. And everyone will know. Because out here, we're sharks and we won't just knock you off for failing.. we'll chew up up, spit you out, and make sure you never get back up."

Panting with rage now I give him one last kick in the balls and storm off. "That was for ruining my perfect skin, asshole!"

I hear him groan as he slides to the ground clutching his groin and smile to myself, "You'll pay for this, you whore!"

Bite me.

Back home, finally. I really need a bath. I walk into my bathroom and let myself soak for a little while thinking back on the stressful day. I decide I'll wait until tomorrow to text Eric to give him some time to cool off or whatever. I really want to know what Troy said to him, though.

I change into my pajamas, shorts and a tank again, and head out to the living room where the boys are sitting on the couch eating what looks like a sad attempt at dinner.

"Did you boys eat?"

"Uuuuhhh… kinda?" Poor Carlos. He won't sleep unless he gets a good meal in him. I walk into the kitchen to prepare some sandwiches and hear Logan yelling at Carlos that he tried his best to make him dinner. Boys. Oddly enough, James is silent. I walk back out and put the plate of sandwiches on the table and watch them scarf it down like wolves.

"Why didn't you guys just order something?"

"We didn't know what you'd want.." Aww Logan.

"It doesn't matter.. next time please don't starve."

I look over at James and notice him smiling up at me. I return the gesture. I sit down on the floor next to Logan's spot on the couch and catch up with the boys. I feel like I haven't seen them in ages.

"How was work?"

"It went well. You guys are gonna love your new album and music video idea. It's so sexy!"

"Katie, Katie, Katie. We thought you weren't a BTR fangirl." Logan is way too smart for me.

"Ha. Please. I'm just trying to make you guys more famous and richer so that you can throw me and amazing SURPRISE 18th/21st birthday party."

James starts laughing at this and soon the rest of us join in. We continue like this for a little while until Carlos starts snoring against Logan and brings us to realize that we should've been in bed at least an hour ago. Logan drags Carlos into his room and then makes his way over to his with a simple goodnight. I get up to go to my own room but James stops me.

"Hey.. I know I've been acting weird recently.."

"…"

"I just.. I don't want you to rush into things with Eric. I want you to see that you don't need a man to make you feel special when you have all of us who love you unconditionally already."

Yeah. I don't need a man to make me feel special. What am I? Twelve? Do I look like a lovesick, angsty teen whose boyfriend of 2-days just broke up with her even though she "loves" him? Baby, a girl has her own needs that ONLY a man can take care of. I'd prefer if that man was you but I'm not shooting for the impossible here. At least I keep my fantasies realistic.

"I get where you're coming from but that wasn't necessary at all, James." Lies. I want your lips all over me. "You need to start accepting that I'm growing up now.. I haven't been 12 for 4 years now.."

He's silent but then he mumbles something quietly. I almost don't catch it. "Yeah..I see that."

More silence follows.

"Do you maybe want to stay with me tonight?" I do! I do!

"Maybe we should be alone tonight.." FUCK YOU MORALITY! You make my life difficult.

"I didn't want to make us weird, Katie, I promise." I smile. He looks adorable and truly sorry.

"Well duh, silly. That's why you're taking me shopping tomorrow!"

That got his attention. I laugh at the fear in his eyes because the boys all know I have a little.. spending habit. Well, he brought himself into the situation. Not my fault. I hug him and bounce away into my room after saying goodnight, looking forward to a full day of shopping and James.

Text from Eric to Katie: Listen sorry I bailed earlier. Your friend Troy is a real creep..I hope I can make it up to you.

Katie to Eric: He's not a friend. I definitely don't trust him and I'm sorry for whatever he said to you.. We should just start over, yeah?

Eric: Yeah. That would be great. :)

Katie: I'm gonna sleep now. I'll text you tomorrow?

Eric: Definitely. Sweet dreams sweet girl. Goodnight.

I don't think I've ever been so happy before bed..


	4. Lonely

**Author's Note: This is a little shorter and totally Jatie centered but I needed it in here to continue with the plot in the next few chapters. It's a little smutty and I feel like I'm turning Katie into a sex-driven fiend but come on, what 16 year old girl living with a sex god isn't?  
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**I promise to bring the regular plot back next chapter. Don't hate me yet! :)**

**On a side note: Tell me if I ended too abruptly... **

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><p>I feel really well rested this morning. With all the shit that has been going on, I can finally say that I had a comfortable sleep with no nightmares or stress or boy drama. I was buttoning up my shorts on my way out of my room when I noticed James sitting on the couch in his pajamas (just the pants..) flipping through channels. I smiled at him and he just blinked up sleepily at me.<p>

"Uhh..good morning sleepy head."

"I'm hungry.." He's pouting. I want to laugh so much right now at how much of a little kid he is but decide to play along.

"Ok, sweety. What do you want for breakfast?" Winning smile. Hahahahaha I'm dying inside at his face right now. It's like a cross between sleepy and trying to comprehend the conversation while slowly catching up.

"I don't know, mommy. Can I get ice cream?" Ok. He caught on.

"No, honey. You know what ice cream does to you. And it's only 10 AM. How about some pancakes?"

He pouted again but realized pancakes were better than nothing and nodded. I set off to work deciding to make extra since Carlos and Logan would be waking up soon, anyway. I set a plate down on the island in the kitchen with a large stack of pancakes, and almost immediately, Logan and Carlos walk out of their rooms straight to the breakfast. It's like they're wolves or something, smelling things in their sleep like that..

"Ooooh pancakes! I want syrup!" Carlos. I grab the syrup bottle from the cabinet and set it down on the table.

"Butter, please?" Polite, Logan. I grab that and set it down, too, and then look over to James expecting him to request something but he's already on his second pancake. Animals, I tell you.

"Ok kids! Let's not make a mess, now. Mama Katie already showered."

They three of them look up at me like I've suddenly grown and extra head and burst out laughing.

"Don't worry, Mama Katie. I'll look after them," Logan said. I smile at him and head back to my room to get dressed for my shopping date trip with James. I'm kind of expecting a mess when I get back out but I try not to think about it. I choose to stay in my shorts but change into a loose tank so that it will be easy for me to try on some clothes. James is already waiting for me when I head out again so we leave immediately. I grab his arm as we're making our way down to the parking lot and grin like a little girl who just got the most expensive doll house on the market as a surprise "just because" gift. But I don't like dolls. I like shoes.

"You're in a good mood today." He looked down at me clutching his arm, practically dragging him to the car so we could make a move to the mall. It was already 12!

"Really? What gave it away?" I gave him a sparkly smile. I'm being so lame today but whatever. I'm in love.. with this day.. Yes.

"Haha oh I don't know. Just a hunch."

"Well I do have the coolest guy I know going shopping with me today." Another cheeky grin. I'm totally getting a treat today.. hopefully it's those shoes I've been eyeing all month.

"Flattery will get you everywhere, Miss Knight."

"I'll be sure to keep it up then, sir." We were at the mall by now and I immediately dragged him into a store.. Huh. Maybe I should have thought this one through because James is looking very uncomfortable right now. It's not that bad but I guess he wouldn't expect to see me in any of these clothes. They're kind of racy and meant for going out.. I call it "being a hoe in a classy manner" because some of their stuff here really does look good when accessorized properly. I ended up ignoring James's awkward face and made my rounds grabbing things from here and there. When I was ready for the fitting room, I glanced back and noticed he was going through the underwear section. He looked uncomfortable but deep in thought.. probably thinking about a girl he'd like to see wearing that lace. I want to tell him I have my own pair at home but I don't want him throwing up on me in public. I wait until he's done and then call him to the fitting room area and set him down with my purse.

"Wait out here. I'll show you what I picked out." He nodded silently.

I go through my things and realize I've picked out a lot of corsets.. this might be awkward. I noticed they look really good with blazers, though! I go out once I put the first animal print corset on and watch his face go from shock to fear to nervous in 3 seconds flat.

"Its..pretty." Haha he practically had to choke that one out. I hope I look a little sexy at least and not like a little kid trying on big kid clothes. After the third one I tried, I decide to give him a break because he looks like he's about to faint. It can't be that bad, can it? Ugh. Losing faith in my body right now. I switch over to shirts and then pick what I want to buy before heading to the shoe section. He stays in place by the fitting rooms. I end up picking up everything I need and paying before heading back and collecting the still frozen James. Wow. I really didn't think I looked that bad. This is depressing.

"Do you want to get lunch now?" I didn't realize it was 3 already.. he must be hungry, that's why he's so quiet.

"Uuh…yeah. Sure." Ok..no eye contact and he's being really fidgety. Odd.

"So..I just need like two dresses and you're off the hook, I promise." I need to get him out of here before he explodes. But I also want these two really awesome dresses. Maybe I won't show it to him when I try it on..

"That's fine. Sorry I was quiet..it was a little..awkward in there." I laughed. He's such a cutie acting like he's never seen a half naked girl before.. or a half naked me before.. I mean we've slept in the same bed together!

"Fantasizing much?" I snort into my soda as he chokes on his. This is so hilarious.

"What? What?"

"I know you were thinking of someone you'd like to see in that lace underwear. Yeah. I saw you."

"Uuh.. Katie. This is not appropriate table talk.."

"Ok ok. Don't have a heart attack." I laugh at him some more and then drag him over to the dress store.

"I'm going to save your eyes and not show you the dresses this time."

"No. I'll look. I don't want you buying something really trashy.."

"…I have good taste you know."

"Clearly. Corsets. I see the sense in that."

I ignore him and head to the fitting rooms section again, already having picked out my dresses. I was a girl on a mission, knowing exactly what I wanted. James. And this one pink dress. And maybe James seeing me in the dress. Or out of it.. I had perfect underwear to go with it, too. Ok stop. This is going too far.

I tried on the black dress first. It was one of those banded dresses, the "Serena van der Woodson" dress as I called it. It fit perfectly and was nice for daytime lunch or nighttime partying. I showed it to James and he looked a little relieved that I hadn't come out in a bandeau and booty shorts or something. He gave me a thumbs up and I went back for the pink dress.

Holy. Damn. Soooo.. about going out to show James.. not happening. Ever. Nope. Sorry. This dress was, and this being a total understatement, begging for sex. It was legit on its knees begging for someone to come ravish it into submission. First of all, it was a little too short just barely going below my ass. Second, it was strapless. Third, it was pink but it had a shimmery leopard print (not too bold, but still noticeable). The waist was pleated with ruffles to the side so it fit perfectly across practically sticking to my skin. I was on fire. I wanted to try it with the new black heels I bought but figured James would not appreciate it. I changed back to my regular clothes and rushed out, making sure to hide the pink dress while paying before he could catch up to me.

"Come on. I'm done." I pretty much ran out of that store.

"I thought you had two dresses.."

"Nope. We're done. Let's go home." I pushed him towards the parking lot and sat silently the whole ride home. I was too busy planning out my pink outfit and where to wear it and who to wear it with. Commando or thong? Strapless bra? I don't have a pink strapless..black it is. Which meant black underwear. This was going to be the best outfit ever.

"Katie..Katie.. KATIE!"

"What? Oh. We're home."

"Are you ok?"

"Yup! Never better!" I jump out of the car and grab my bags and run to the elevator completely ignoring James's protests. He finally caught up to me as the elevator door was opening.

"Woah! Hold on there. I have a surprise for you actually."

"What? Really? Where!"

"Calm down. It's upstairs in the apartment." The elevator could not have been any slower right now.

I run into my room and throw the bags on my bed before running back out waiting for my surprise.

"Sit." Ok.. I head over to the couch and take a seat. Still waiting! Looking around, none of the other boys are here. They're probably at the pool or at their respective girl's apartments.. meaning they won't be home tonight. Oooh.. I like where this is going. No. I lied. It's not going anywhere. Fuck my life.

"Here." I feel something cold pushed against my hand and look down and find myself holding a beer. I look up at James, confused as hell.

"What is this?"

"Beer..?"

"Obviously. But why?"

"Well you're always saying I treat you like a little kid.. so today I decided to branch out and experience adult Katie." I can show you ADULT Katie.

"Oh. Well.. ok then. Let's go!"

Suddenly this turned into a contest to see who could chug the fastest and right now I'm on my final can in the pack. Yes. I was given my own six-pack while James took his own. I don't even know when he bought these but if he was hoarding a secret stash, the boy has been holding out. We decided to take a final can after the six-pack which would decide the official winner. So, here goes my seventh.

I don't remember what happened after that but I see a half-empty bottle of vodka spinning on the counter and I am pretty fucked up. Social drinking, it gets to you eventually. James somehow has made his way over to the couch and to me we both look more high than drunk. James is sprawled out facing me, still at the island, just watching me. His head is resting against the back of the couch and his top shirt buttons are open. Lounging.

I suddenly have a fantastic idea! I walk over, or if I could tell, stumble over to my room and spend the next 15 minutes trying to figure out how to get the pink dress on my body. I look in the mirror before stepping into my heels and walk out. My hair is a little tousled and my lips are pouty giving me the perfect "do me now" look. I stumble back out of my room and walk up to where James is sitting. We stare at each other for what seems like a long time. He's just blinking up at me. I don't know what to do now but all of a sudden I'm getting flashes of my dance so I decide to work with that.

I climb on top of him, straddling him and pushing my face up to his. I grab his hands and make him cup my face. He finally finds his voice.

"Baby..I'm so lonely," he whispers into my hair.

I whisper back. "Let me fix that for you.."

The kiss was sloppy but it got the job done. It was rushed, desperate, and completely animalistic. I was trying to unbutton his shirt but they hated me for some reason so I just ended up ripping it apart. What can I say, I'm a feisty one. He looked down in shock at his shirt and looked back up at me, finally taking control of the situation. I felt him pick me up and walk to my room (being the closest) and dropping me to my bed before climbing on top of me.

"God, you're so sexy." He kind of mumbled that but I caught it. I had my hands on his back so I scratched him lightly in response. His hands were on my thighs now climbing higher to grip my hips under my dress. I arched my back to reach up and kiss him again. When I looked up in his eyes all I saw was lust and a need to do more. My dress was soon on the floor and I was attacking his jeans trying to get them off as quick as possible. I ended up getting back on top of him and let my hands roam over his chest giving him light kisses and sudden bites as I paid attention to his neck. It was a good thing Carlos and Logan weren't home because his moans would have sounded pretty suspicious coming out of my room. We looked at each other one more time, both breathing hard and ready to jump each other at any second. He fingered the sides of my panties and stared straight into my eyes. I was in a state of nirvana. Nothing could have brought me down now. Lowering my head to kiss him and swaying my hips to grind on him, I ended up under him again.

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><p><strong>P.S. Who said alcohol doesn't make you horny? Haha ;)<strong>


	5. And I Just Can't Look, It's Killing Me

**Author's Note: Yo! Sorry for the late update but I haven't been home. New Jersey State Fair on Friday night was pretty awesome.. it was my first fair, too (at the age of 19). I feel unaccomplished :( But i balanced that out with an accomplishment of riding on 2 roller coasters! Next stop..six flags? Ha. Idts.**

**Anyway. Tell me who's totally not counting down for HP 7.2 which is coming out in 3 more days. I missed out on the midnight show for IMAX cuz that shit was sold out. But Friday night.. I will be on that line with a 100 other crazy girls waiting to grab the best seats. SNAPE FOREVER.**

**Enough fangirling. This chapter is a little more intense and dramatic but I swear the next chapter will be lighter. Oh and I have some messages for a few of the readers below. Don't ignore them! (Science-Fantasy93, Itisjustmyself, and GemLeighXx)**

**Btw.. just a side note: The real story of what happened between Katie and Troy in school will be up in a few days :)  
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><p>My phone rang with a text message when I woke up. I didn't want to look at it so I kept my eyes shut and tried going back to sleep. It was a little chilly which would make sense since I'm completely naked and don't have a blanket over me. Deciding sleep wasn't coming back I opened my eyes and looked around the room for any signs of my clothes from last night. I found my panties right next to me conveniently enough. My back was to James so I couldn't tell if he was awake or not. Being as quiet as possible I slipped my panties on and sat up. No hangover again, high five to me. I think back to last night and realize I'm not having a nervous breakdown over what this might mean for our relationship now. Fuck that. Too much work, honestly. It was a one night thing and as much as I love him, I'm not going to turn into a clingy bitch just because he slept with me. It's really not my style..<p>

I look over at my phone finally. Eric. Woops.. he's definitely not hearing about how my night went.

Eric to Katie: Hey. Wanna catch a movie today?

Katie to Eric: Definitely. What time?

Eric: Uuh.. afternoon? And then we can grab dinner.

Katie: Yeah sure :)

I put my phone back on the bedside table and sit in bed with my feet playing with the floor below me. I couldn't look over at James right now for some reason so I just sat there, exhausted. It was an amazing night actually, from what I can remember. It was desperate and raw and I think I prefer it that way. I understand the whole "making love" thing but sometimes you just have to let loose and go at it with all you got to feel those fireworks. And boy did I feel the fireworks.

I felt the bed move a little next to me and figured he might be waking up so I sat still. His hand covered mine and I turned my head to the side, not looking at him but indicating that I was listening.

"No regrets, right?" He asked. Now I realized what was bothering me. I didn't want him to take anything back in case he felt guilty that he just fucked his best friend's little sister. I wanted this to be our little secret forever, a night we shared together because the lust was just too irresistible at that point. I smiled.

"No regrets." I squeezed his hand and got up to walk around the bed to head to my bathroom. He lay in my bed smirking at me in my panties and nothing else. I could imagine him grabbing a cigarette and lounging there after a "job well done". I laughed and shook my head. A girl could get used to this.

I walked out after I showered and found him sitting up looking around for his own clothes. I threw him his boxers which had somehow ended up on my dressing table.. across the room. Looking for some fresh clothes to wear, I went about my business as usual. It was a comfortable silence, neither of us needing to say anything that would make us think about what came next.

"I'm going to the movies with Eric today," I said as I pulled a button down shirt out of my closet. I was going for a very casual look today because after last night, I don't feel like impressing anyone else. I wasn't technically playing Eric but I wasn't exactly over James, especially not after last night. I figured I'd keep it going for as long as I could. Relationships fizzled out, anyway. I definitely wasn't looking for a long term.

"Oh cool. I think I'll go to the beach today and then just hang out at home. Hopefully the guys will be home by this afternoon." I forgot about the guys.. they still weren't back from yesterday. Whatever. Made my life easier.

"Good thing they stayed out last night," I laughed. James walked over to me where I was standing at my mirror putting my shirt on. I hadn't found my shorts yet. Suddenly, I felt him smack my ass and whisper in my ear.

"I hope they stay out more often if we can keep this up. You were.. exciting."

He walked out of my room with a smirk while I stood frozen by my mirror. Dammit. Now I might need another shower.

My "date" with Eric could not have been any more boring than it was right now. Ok so maybe I was definitely playing him at this point, but what can I say? He made it difficult for me to like him. I swear he thinks I'm a virgin and any physical contact would break me into a hundred pieces. He held my hand for a little while during the movie but wouldn't even look at me when I asked him to pass the soda. Boring. I'm not asking for a full make-out session in a movie theater but compared to the night at the club, this kid was like a whole new person. I have no idea what the hell happened between that night and today. I thought back to James and wondered what he was doing. I did feel bad for Eric but decided to give him a few more chances to see if his man side would come out to play later. Maybe he was just nervous since we were starting over.

That's when it hit me. Troy. I straightened up in my seat at the movie and could feel Eric's eyes on me.

"Are you ok?" He whispered. I nodded back, furious inside.

That piece of shit! I never found out what he told Eric but I am getting it out of him tonight at dinner. Whatever he said is making Eric act like a little bitch and I am determined to get the truth out of him. Troy would not impact my life in this way. This movie could not get any longer.

We walked over to a restaurant after the movie and ordered some burgers and milkshakes. Not that romantic but whatever.. I'm not asking a guy I don't like that much to take me to a 5 star restaurant.

"So how did you like the movie?"

"It was.. good.." Shit. I completely zoned out of the movie halfway through.

"You weren't paying attention, were you?" He laughed.

"No..sorry.." I'm an awful date.

"It's fine haha. I didn't like it much either. I just didn't want to seem rude and walk out." I smiled.

"Oh. I would've gladly left with you. I was distracted actually."

"I noticed. Anything you want to talk about?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind."

He looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue.

"You remember that day you met.. Troy.."

"Yeah…"

"It's just been bothering me, you know. Do you mind telling me what he said?"

"Oh. Look, I don't want to get involved with drama between you and an ex.."

"Ex? He told you he was my ex? I've never even spoken to the kid!" What the fuck.

"Really? He said you guys were dating for a few months and then you dumped him like trash. He said you were really mean about it and left him heartbroken.. he said he was trying to warn me to be careful and slow things down with you.."

.FUCK. I think he could see the anger on my face because he took my hand and told me that after he thought about it he didn't believe what Troy said because I looked too nice. He started sipping on his milkshake awkwardly when I still didn't answer. I was shaking with anger and couldn't focus on anything around me. DATED HIM? I would have never let myself be seen with him at the same BUS STOP and he said we DATED?

"Eric. I want us to get one thing clear. Troy and I were never friends. We went to school together but he was always that "Odd One Out" type so he kept to himself when he wasn't acting a fool trying to be popular. I wasn't one of the popular kids, either, but I was never associated with him in any way."

I didn't want to get into any more detail.

"Hey. I believe you more than I do him.. he looked shady from the second he invited himself to our date."

I smiled. This might work out.

"Can I ask you a favor?"

"Anything."

"If you ever see him, can you stay away from him? I don't want to call him out or anything but he really isn't good news."

"Yeah, definitely. Shady, I tell you."

"Oh and one more thing?"

He laughed. "Whatsup?"

"You don't have to take things slow with me. I'm a big girl.. I can handle more than you think." I smirked at his shocked expression and imagined what he might think if he knew that just last night I had a DRUNK one night stand with a 21 year old.

"Well. That is such a relief.. I was practically dying inside when we were just sitting in the movie theater. Longest 2 hours of my life."

"I know right!" We laughed and the conversation lightened up. When we were done he drove me home but parked in the parking lot so that we could have a little.. alone time. I found it really ironic that all of a sudden on the radio the song "Backseat" by New Boyz came on. We looked at each other and laughed. Which then turned into a make out session. Which then turned into a grope fest. We stopped before it went any further but promised to "do this again sometime." I am such a whore. I laughed as I got into the elevator to take me back to the apartment. It wasn't exactly whoring as much as it was having confidence in your body and using it to your advantage.

Still thinking about Eric, I walked into the apartment and almost missed James sitting on the couch holding a teddy bear. A very familiar teddy bear actually. I froze.

"Hey. What's that?" I already knew what it was.. fucking kangaroo bear.. but I wanted to know if he knew.

He looked up at me but I couldn't make out what he was thinking. Carlos and Logan were in the kitchen making "dinner" so I wasn't worried about them overhearing our conversation with the pots and pans banging around like a marching band in there.

"A bear." I knew this wasn't going to go well.

"Oh? Where did you get it from?"

"Actually, it's not even a bear. It's a messenger. A messenger for you, Katie." He continued as if I hadn't even spoken. Shit.

"What.. what was in it?"

"A note." The cryptic thing needed to stop. I was getting frustrated.

"Saying.."

He took out a crumpled piece of paper from somewhere and started to read it aloud. I felt myself grow pale and kept looking back to the kitchen to make sure Logan and Carlos were nowhere in hearing range.

"Dear Miss Manners, From our previous encounter I am now a little more aware of who I'm dealing with. Don't think you're off the hook for being a brave little fighter bee.. instead, it actually put you in a lot more trouble with me. You think you can just say what you want and do what you want and not face the consequences? Be warned, Katie Knight. I'm not playing to just win anymore. I'm playing to conquer and destroy. T."

I looked back at James as he folded up the note and laid it on the living room table in front of him. He looked up at me and waited for me to say something. I shuffled about in my place not knowing how to react.

"Now from what I understand.. this is clearly a threat. So I decided to track this T kid down.. which wasn't hard considering he was waiting around the corner of the hallway to see if you received his gift or not. I decided to have a little talk with him."

Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. Why James! Why couldn't you have stayed out of it? Why do you have to be so nosy? I looked around the room frantically, everywhere but at him as he continued.

"So I sat him down and we talked. Or he talked. And you'd be surprised by all the things he told me. Apparently, according to him of course, you weren't little miss innocent back when you were in school with him. You were a bully, Katie. A mean old bitch."

I gasped. "Excuse me?"

"Oh no, I'm not done. He told me all the things you and your little friends did to him when he was just trying to fit in. Name calling? Tripping him on the stairs? He could have been seriously injured! I understand if you didn't like him, but almost killing the kid is too extreme. This isn't like you at all, Katie.."

If anything, the disappointment killed me more than the lies.

"James. Please tell me you don't believe this bullshit. Those "friends" he's talking about were the POPULAR kids! I was never friends with them! I was lucky enough to have one friend with the four of you on my case all the time. Troy Hayn was just a kid in my class who was too desperate when trying to fit in. He was the one hurting people. Not the other way around."

"He sounded really angry, Katie. No one holds a grudge for this long without being certain who it's against. He said he went to apologize to the other kids one by one but just like you, they rejected him and continued to bully him like they were back in school."

"James Diamond. I cannot believe I'm hearing this from you! You would listen to a weak little kid who never grew up past elementary school over.. me." I was this close to remind him that he spent a memorable night with ME last night rather than Troy but decided not to pull that card unless it was really necessary.

"You obviously did something, Katie, for him to be this mad."

I was silent. I thought I could trust James to have my back at all times.. but in a matter of a few hours, I felt like our whole relationship had collapsed.

"Maybe you don't know me as well as I thought you did, James." I felt the tears fall before I could realize that I was even crying.

"Maybe I don't." There was so much hatred in his voice.

"James.. please.." I took a step toward him hoping he would realize his mistake and pull me in for a hug, comforting me and telling me he would protect me forever.

But instead, he took a step back. I started screaming. I noticed Logan and Carlos stop what they were doing in response but I didn't hold back.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? HUH? YOU SAY YOU KNOW ME THE BEST.. TELLING ME YOU'LL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME AND WON'T LET ANYONE HURT ME. WHERE WERE YOU THE NIGHT OF THE PARTY THEN? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN HE DRAGGED ME INTO AN ALLEY AND CARVED INTO MY SKIN? WHERE WERE YOU, JAMES? BECAUSE I DEFINITELY REMEMBER SCREAMING YOUR NAME WHILE HE DROVE A KNIFE INTO ME, BUT YOU NEVER CAME! YOU. NEVER. CAME. AND NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU BELIEVE THIS KID OVER ME? I DON'T EVEN.. I don't even.."

I was bawling at this point and had ended up unbuttoning my shirt to point out the scar on my right shoulder. All that pent up fear and anger that I had pushed aside for the last few weeks was finally coming out. I wasn't even mad at Troy now.. I was just mad at James for not being there for me. Logan was at my back in an instant, tracing the scar with his finger. Carlos went to get a medical kit and James just stood in front of me.. in silence.

"Katie, why didn't you tell us?" Carlos asked as he came back with some scar cream, handing it to Logan.

I stayed silent. I didn't want to talk anymore. I was tired.. they were never supposed to find out. Logan rubbed the scar cream on me gently and didn't say a word as I put my shirt back on and walked over to James who was still standing perfectly still.. looking disgusted and disappointed. I hoped both were directed to himself for his lack of tact in this matter. I put my hand on his chest and looked into his eyes.

"Katie.."

I stopped him.

"I'm sorry. I don't think I can be with you.. I can't look at you right now. You betrayed me.."

He looked like I had just slapped him in the face but left me to walk away from him, tears spilling down my face. I hugged Logan and Carlos for a few minutes and they both kissed my head and told me everything would be ok. I nodded and walked into my room, barely processing what was going on. I didn't want to lose James like this but it looks like Troy had won this round. He had just stolen the most important person in my life away from me.

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><p><strong>To Science-Fantasy93: Your reviews are much appreciated :) Keep up with the tips and comments! I especially want to know your reaction to this chapter since you're always talking about how "sweet" James is. I made him a real dick here but oh well. He's stupid. <strong>

**To Itisjustmyself: I don't think this is what you meant when you said not to get Katie and Eric together where she's kinda "playing" him but I'll expand on that relationship later.. **

**To GemLeighXx: Lol! I still can't figure out by what you meant when you said Troy creeps you out in "a good way". Stay with me.. he's gonna get really creepy in a few more chapters.  
><strong>


	6. We Were All In Love And We All Got Hurt

**Author's Note: Heeeeyy... hehehe so I can sense the anger and frustration coming from all you readers but I have a good reason for being MIA, I promise! For starters: HARRY POTTER. How could I concentrate on my chapters when the love of my life (Severus Snape) was going through miserable times. For those who can relate.. I cried like a little bitch, sobbing uncontrollably and all. **

**Secondly, I went white water rafting this weekend. Shit. Was. Out. Of. Control. Too much fun! You all need to try it! I mean i was in tears while trying to sleep because my arm was hurting so much after rowing all day.. but technicalities. Who pays attention, right?**

**Third, I had typed out this chapter a week ago but I didn't like where it was going so I deleted the whole thing. And then I wrote this copy on Thursday and it works out better than the first one. **

**So until next time! I promise I'll update sooner starting.. NOW! :)**

**Also: to Piper: Please be alive! I need feedback on this chapter!**

**Erika: Hope you feel better about the Eric situation after this chapter**

**Science-fantasy93: Honestly, I think both of them see it as a game right now because Katie's afraid to make a move in case he gets scared of his "feelings" and backs out.. Haha I think you'll like the flashback, though :)**

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><p>"You know she'll never forgive you, right?"<p>

"She's already past forgiving me. How much more would me leaving piss her off? She'll probably even be happy about it!"

"You don't know that, James. Come on. You guys have been through so much together.. don't abandon her."

"She still has the two of you.."

"It's not the same and you know it. You guys are connected.. differently."

"Even if that's true.. it doesn't cover the fact that she doesn't want anything to do with me. Whether it's forever or for a few weeks, I'm not going to hurt her again."

"James.. you're not being rational. Katie's upset but she needs you now more than anyone else. Running away from her isn't going to help this situation."

"I'm not running away. You know I have a real reason to be leaving but after last night, I guess I won't be telling her."

"You're being ridiculous."

"This conversation is over. I made up my mind.. I'm leaving tonight. I'll be out all day and sneak in to get my stuff later when she's gone back to bed. You can tell her everything tomorrow when I'm gone."

"James.."

Silence.

They don't know I was listening.

They don't know I had been awake all night crying my eyes out over everything that was going wrong.

They don't know that if I could cry anymore, I would be out there hanging on to James's knees, begging him not to leave me. I never want him to leave me. I know I was harsh last night but when you feel your heart breaking into a million pieces.. all rational thought flies out from under you.

I don't know where he's going. But if he doesn't want to tell me, it's on him. He thinks I hate him, which again brings up the question of "how well did he even know me?" if he can just give up on me in a heartbeat.

I wanted to get out of bed and confront him but my body felt like a train had rammed into it. Everything was sore for some reason and all those tears that had fallen left me feeling just numb. There's nothing going on in my brain right now. I can't even make up a reaction to the news of James leaving for some mysterious mission. I'm just laying here.. in bed.. sprawled out.. and dead.

Eventually I did wake up, though. As quietly as I could I went over to my laptop and booked an airline ticket to Minnesota for tomorrow morning. If James got to escape Hollywood, I definitely could, too. And everyone and their moms' know I deserve a break. I texted my mom to let her know about the ticket purchase before she freaked out over my card's random expense. Promising not to tell Kendall so that I could surprise him, she said she would pick me up at the airport. I tried to smile. I'm still exhausted.

I decided to call Eric and let him know about my trip so that I had one less thing to worry about. I really didn't have the emotional stability to handle a relationship.. Or whatever we had.

"Hey."

"Hi!"

"I didn't want to do this over the phone but I can't be seeing you right now."

"Why? Is everything ok? Did I do something?"

"No, it's not you at all. I'm flying out to Minnesota tomorrow morning and I'm not sure how long I'll be staying.."

"You're moving back home?"

"...I haven't decided yet."

"I can wait, Katie."

There they were. The most horrible words a person has to go through in order to completely shut something down.

"Eric.. please don't."

"So you just don't like me then?"

"Listen, don't take this the wrong way. I'm just going through some shit right now and I don't have the energy for anything else.."

"Clearly. Whatever. I guess Troy was right then."

"Excuse me?"

"You were just playing me, weren't you?"

"No! No! Why would you even think that?"

"Because! The last time I checked we had a pretty good night.. and now all of a sudden you're dumping me?"

"I'm not dumping you! We weren't even together! I just need time away from Hollywood!"

"Yeah.. guess you can't handle the bigger fish."

"Why are all you guys so irrational?"

"I'll see you, Katie. Hope you figure your stuff out."

Really? Was that reeeaaallllyy necessary?

Now I have a headache. Well, at least that problem was taken care of.. not as smoothly as I had expected but whatever. Not my problem now.

I head back over to my bed and lay down thinking that sleeping this whole day away would be better than being up when James left tonight.

_"Plain Hayn! Plain Hayn!"_

_Elementary school. How old am I here? 8? 9? We're in the cafeteria and I can hear them chanting his "name" behind me. I don't want to turn around to look because that would just make the whole "mob mentality" thing real. I could hear Taylor explaining the situation to me in between yells of "Plain Hayn!"_

_"Ohmygod! What a total idiot! Hahahaha PLAIN HAYN! he's such a spazz! Did you see that? I mean, DID you see that?"_

_No. I hadn't seen it. I just heard the crash and could imagine him sitting by the food cart, a whole plate of spaghetti overturned on his head. Apparently, it was a riot._

_"I mean, who would try that? Like, trying to CLIMB on top of the cart to start a food fight? PLAIN HAYN! What a loser. He tries so hard! But that totally failed! And it was awesome!"_

_I sighed. This was just another day at school but I really needed to get out of here. I could hear the teachers pushing through the growing mob around Troy, trying to shut them up so as not to inflict anymore damage on his already shot emotions. Eventually, the crowd settled down but that didn't stop the gossip._

_I saw Olive take her seat next to me while her __friend__.. minion.. Jaylee took the seat across from her._

_Did I mention I was friends with the most popular girl in school? Best friends, in fact. But it was a known fact that I stayed out of her business and she stayed out of mine. Where I was the studious, rational one of the group, Olive was the spontaneous, spunky type. I guess that's what made her so popular._

_There had been a rumor going around that Troy had made a move on Olive. She would laugh it off and deny it, obviously, but there was something off about her._

_I was in class now. I guess after the lunch time fiasco? I decide to take a walk to the bathroom because the teacher is going around the room checking work progress. I'm already done.._

_I take the hall pass and start walking down the hallways choosing to go to the farthest bathroom in the building. Before turning the corner to the next hallway, though, I hear voices. I look over the corner and then slide back into hiding, staying as quiet as possible._

_He's there, slammed up against the lockers and surrounded. In many cases this would be a funny or even erotic scene.. one guy surrounded by three girls.. surrounded but intimidated. I can hear him crying as Olive makes another remark._

_"Awww don't cry, little baby.. I'm sure your parents still love you. No matter how useless you are, they still keep you around, don't they?"_

_"Crybaby, crybaby," I hear Jaylee taunt. I look back around the corner and see Taylor standing a small step behind Olive and looking nervous. She doesn't want to be there but she has no other choice. The politics involved in 4th grade society was a tough thing to break once you were close to the top. There was no backing out. Olive just kept me around because I kept her in line most of the time.. and I had known her the longest. Like I said, rational to balance out the spontaneity. We were a perfect match made to rule. Unfortunately, that wasn't the path I wanted to take.._

_"You won't get away with this, Olive." Poor Troy. He tried so hard to be brave but he would always lose._

_"Is that a threat, baby?" I froze. I had heard that voice a dozen times before. I had missed the conversation before this that made Troy cry but I knew that staying silent after today would only make it so much worse._

_"It's the truth, you awful girl!" He was treading on really dangerous ice right now. I knew what Olive was capable of when she really set her heart to it. And a few of the things that really messed her up were a. a hit to her ego, b. a mean word about her friends (me), and c. a threat about the downfall of her perfect world._

_I heard the sharp intake of breathe before the slap resounded around the hallway. Taylor gasped and half-whispered that maybe they should stop.. That things were going too far, but Olive was beyond reaching now. Only I could stop her but my feet were glued to the ground. I couldn't move._

_"You. really. think. anyone. will. believe. you? You won't say a word about this, you hear me? Not a word, you little waste of space."_

_Her breathing was hard and ragged and when I looked back around she was towering over a huddled up version of a boy. Jaylee and Taylor had stepped away completely, looking terrified and glancing around in case a teacher was to show up. I made my move before Olive could inflict anymore trauma on the three._

_"Olive.."_

_She whirled around, hand still raised. A smile spread on her face when she noticed me._

_"Katie!"_

_"Olive, let's go back to class, yeah?"_

_"What?"_

_"Olive, look at him.."_

_She turned back to Troy who was now looking up at me with wide eyes. I couldn't look at him. He looked pathetic down there, cowering under a little girl. I didn't feel pity for him anymore._

_"Olive, he's not worth it. Let's go."_

_She smirked and looked back at me._

_"Hmm.. you're right. Let's go girls. You're lucky, Plain Hayn. Thank god Katie made me realize that you're not worth the energy."_

_She walked past me with Jaylee and Taylor following slowly behind her, afraid she might lash out on them next. I looked down at Troy again before walking away. He looked broken._

_I was in Olive's house now, sitting on her bed and watching her. She had been silent the whole walk home after the locker incident. I wasn't one to push but the silence was killing me._

_"Olive.."_

_"Hmm?"_

_"Why do you hate him?"_

_She wouldn't look up at me._

_"You've known me for so long, Katie."_

_"Yeah. We're best friends."_

_"You didn't know me before, though. Before we started school together this year.. we only hung out in the park, or at my house, or at yours.."_

_"But you still told me everything.."_

_"Everything.. mmhmm.. I wasn't always like this, you know."_

_"Like what?"_

_"A.. bitch.." She whispered the curse, worried that someone might hear her and wash her mouth out with soap._

_"You're not a bitch, Olive." I had heard my brother use it a lot of times so it didn't affect me much._

_"Only to him.. Only to Troy. He knows.. more than he should."_

_"What are you talking about?"_

_"Do you know why I switched schools?"_

_"To be with me!"_

_"That.. and because I was miserable in my old school. They bullied me, Katie. They would throw things at me and hurt me.." She had started crying. "And Troy was the worst of them.."_

_"What?"_

_"Yeah. Funny, right? He destroyed me.. he told me he had a crush on me one day.. so I met him in the courtyard where he took my first kiss.. and then he yelled out that I tasted horrible.. and all these people.. so many of them.. they just came out of nowhere and tried to kiss me.. to get a taste.. to see if he was lying.."_

_I was silent.. this was more than I had expected._

_"My mom made me switch schools when I told her. But he followed me here. I knew it would be better this year, though, because I had you.. and people here aren't so bad once you're the one pulling the strings.. I vowed to myself on the first day of school that I'd rule this place one day.. I worked hard at it, too.. I made sure to turn everyone against him as soon as I could.. I was going to ruin him like he ruined me."_

I woke up with a start. It was all so clear now and thinking back to the past few weeks, I honestly didn't feel anything but anger towards Troy Hayn. True he believed that I had taken part in his bullying but what he doesn't remember is that I was always on the sidelines, protecting him. And for what? I had pushed all these memories aside once Olive and I fell apart (a story for another time).. but now that my past was back to haunt me, I was really pissed off that I was stuck in the middle ONCE AGAIN. I didn't even take revenge after Olive had shared her story with me, so why is it that he's after me?

But then it hit me! This wasn't my fault at all! I could clear things up with James! I remember everything now and he wouldn't second guess me again! I quickly checked my clock and noticed it was 11 PM.. why do I sleep so much? Lazy bitch.

I decided to write James a letter and leave it out for him when he came to collect his stuff. I gave him the shortened version about life in 4th grade and Olive and Troy and my role in the whole thing. I snuck out of my room and placed the letter on top of his suitcase which was resting neatly against the wall by his room. Half an hour later, I heard the front door open as he walked in. I held my breath and waited in bed. The minutes passed by agonizingly slow and I was half convinced he read it and walked out, regardless. The knock on my door, though, gave me enough of a heart attack to know I wasn't dreaming.

I opened the door for him and we stood there in silence, watching each other and shifting uncomfortably.

"…I got your letter." He coughed nervously.

"Umm.. yeah.."

"You write neatly.."

Oh fuck it all. I jumped on him and planted my lips right on his, desperately trying to make him understand how sorry I was. He staggered back a little but soon his hands were holding my legs up around him and we were back to square one.. passionate, but sober and devastated that we almost gave each other up.


	7. You're Killing Me, Killing Me

**Author's Note: You guys are going to kill me. I can feel it. Or maybe you'll just kill Troy and leave me out of it.. yeah? There's absolutely no Jatie in this chapter; it's focusing more on Troy and Katie's past because I've been ignoring him for the past 2 chapters. My bad.**

**To my reviewers! Yeah.. I know you're still out there.**

**Science-fantasy93: You're in for a wild ride with this chapter. Make sure you're not drinking anything while reading and strap yourself into your chair.. I know we both don't want any injuries :)**

**Itisjustmyself: The truth is out! I would say strap yourself in for this chapter, too.. sorry there's no Jatie to make up for the craziness.**

**BigTimeSweetheart: You make me feel all special and stuff :) I worked on this chapter as soon as I saw your review haha. Hope you like it !**

**To GemLeighXx, Bless the Broken Road, and Piper: Enjoy! I think everybody's questions and concerns will be answered in this chapter**

**I'm waiting for the hate reviews from tonight's reading session. If I were you, I'd start preparing those select "bad" words now.**

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><p>Of course, who am I to lie and say that nothing happened after that insanely passionate kiss last night? He spent the night and we had some make-up "fun" but it was clearly more than that. Neither of us would admit it, though. Admitting it would make things official, and with all the nonsense that's been going on these past few weeks, I know I for one don't want to take the next step. I woke up alone this morning; a little disappointing but I know he had to leave so I let it slide.<p>

He explained the whole situation to me last night; how he got a contract with Cuda and was leaving for a modeling/commercial shoot in Cancun for the next three weeks. So, Cancun wasn't the most trouble free area for a guy with his looks and age.. but I had faith. I mean, again, we weren't official. I decided to be a little productive with my time, as well, and go confront Troy now that I knew the truth about us. The only problem was.. how do I get in contact with him?

Hmm.. he said he was an "art prodigy" or whatever. I called Kelly to ask her if she knew of any up and coming artistic geniuses in the area that sprang up recently, specifically if any of them were named Troy Hayn. I thanked Gustavo mentally for picking such an efficient "It" girl as an assistant, because without her, we would all (Big Time Rush, Rocque Records) be nowhere. She said he had an open exhibit tonight at 7 but she knew for a fact that all these knew "art types" were at the studio all day setting up and preparing for their big night. I figured I'd give it a try.

I walked into the studio and saw him standing in the center of the floor looking around in awe at his creations. For a second I felt like I was interrupting an important moment but then I thought that this guy's a real asshole so it shouldn't matter, regardless.

"Hey Troy." I walked up and stood next to him taking in his art work while he stared at me in shock.

"Uhh hey.. Katie.. What are you doing here?"

He was suddenly defensive and I realized that before I walked in he looked almost.. innocent. I figured that this was his territory, no one from his past had ever stepped into his world so me being here was a definite shock to his life structure.

"I just came here to talk.. that's it. No threats.. no plots.. just you and me clearing up some misunderstandings."

He was silent while staring at me. It was as if he was calculating my position in this game we were suddenly playing and whether my reason to "talk" would allow me any leads or gains. I stared back with what I hoped was sincerity. This kid was still insecure with himself after all those years of torment and who was I to make it worse for him now that he was coming out and finding himself through art. Even though he did violate me, I was in a forgiving mood.

"I should be the one who's scared of you, Troy. Not the other way around. I really did just come here to talk.." I tried again.

"Uhh.. yeah. Yeah, ok. Let's talk then."

We walked over to the bar that was set up in the studio for tonight's guests to snack and socialize while considering the meaning behind Troy's collection.

I decided to start. "We've had an awkward few weeks.. and I just want to clear up what you've been trying to accomplish.. or what your motives are.. or something. I'm just really confused because you seem to be coming from a different place than what I remember.."

"Do you remember that day at the lockers? When Olive slapped me?" From my dream, of course. It all really did seem like a dream but I guess it did happen.

"Yeah.."

"And you remember how you stepped in and stopped her? Stopped her from doing worse? I realized on that day that Olive wasn't the one I should fear. No. It was you. Because you controlled her. You could pull on her strings and make her do anything you wanted."

"Troy, that's crazy. We were best friends-"

"No. There was something more. I spent the whole day trying to figure out what it was because I knew deep down that Olive wasn't capable of such things. She would never be able to rise up and fight back.. especially after.."

I thought back to my dream again and how Olive had confessed her past to me and how Troy seemed to be the cause of everything she had become then. But what was confusing me was that Troy sounded like he was blaming ME for being bullied after he and Olive had switched schools.

"Troy.. wait. Are you saying that I somehow.. told Olive to do those things to you?"

"How else could I explain it? You were the stronger one. You were the bold one. The one who didn't stand for anyone's shit. And as her best friend, I knew she had told you about what I had done. And as a girl, I knew revenge was what you lived for."

"Woahwoahwoah. What kind of girls have you been growing up with? What makes you think ANY of that makes sense?"

This kid was seriously messed up. I suddenly didn't think this "chat" was such a good idea..

"You think I'm stupid, don't you? I had it all figured out and once I knew who I was up against, I stepped my game up, too. I dropped Olive like a broken toy and changed targets. Of course, you wouldn't remember this, would you?"

None of this was making sense. Switched targets? When did that even happen? I was never bullied. Especially not by him.

"No. No. You left Olive alone after that day because you were scared of what else she might do to you."

"Haha. I knew I got you bad. Do you remember that day.. it was raining really hard and it was you, me, and Olive waiting for the bus outside school. I was watching the two of you talk and laugh and decided now was as good a time to get my revenge."

No. No no no. What was this? Was he messing with me again?

_I saw the rain. It was pouring, hard bullets of water dropping down around us. We didn't have umbrellas so we were cramped inside the bus station waiting for the next bus to pick us up. _

I looked back at Troy and saw his lips moving but I couldn't hear what he was saying.

_Olive was calling her mother, asking her to pick us up because the buses weren't going to be running in such weather._

I felt a headache coming on. What was happening to me? I got up to leave but standing made my head spin and I knew I wouldn't make it out the door without throwing up. I saw Troy stay seated as I wobbled my way around the room looking for an exit.

_We couldn't see three feet in front of us, the rain and fog was so bad. I was leaning my head against the window of the bus station. I could hear Olive arguing with her mother. I heard his footsteps before either of us could realize what was happening._

I was feeling suffocated, I couldn't breathe in this studio anymore. I looked back at Troy and saw him laughing at my state.

"Remember now?"

_It was the most painful thing I had experienced but also the least. I heard the smack as my head collided with the window before I felt the glass break through my face and I fell to the ground. I heard Olive's scream and saw Troy's shoes move past me as he ran into the rain. It was like a really bad migraine but it was fading. I tried telling Olive I was alright.. I tried moving.. _

"What did you do to me.." I was shaking.

"I just gave you a look at who you were messing with. You think just because I let Olive play around with me for a little while, that I wouldn't get my revenge? I was the one who ruined her life. Not the other way around. I always had it planned out, how I would get back at her.. but then you showed up. It didn't take me long to figure out how to get rid of you, though."

"You tried to kill me.."

_I woke up in a hospital bed. They told me I had been unconscious for 2 weeks.. that I had a pretty nasty fall. Slipped in the water from the rain. Smacked right into the window. _

"Murder wasn't really my intent but if it happened along the way.. sure.."

"They told me I fell."

"Why do you think you and Olive stopped talking? She abandoned you. She was scared. She left that school a week after you were put into the hospital. She couldn't handle the guilt of it all so she lied.. said you were being stupid and fell.. I couldn't stop reminding her about her betrayal."

"What's wrong with you?"

"I don't like looking stupid."

"So you try to kill a person?" I didn't know what to do anymore.

"You didn't come back to school, either. I heard they had released you and you were going to spend another few weeks recovering at home."

_There was a boy there to visit me, saying he was there to deliver my homework. I had never seen him before, but he seemed nice so I let him stick around for a while. He mentioned a girl named Olive but I told him I had never heard of her._

"You knew.. you knew I lost my memory."

"It was the best day of my life. I went and told Olive about it, too, and you know what she said? She was just as relieved as I was. She hoped that you would never remember her so that we could all just move on."

I was speechless. A few years ago I had woken up one morning and remembered all my friends names and my school days like my memories were never gone. They had asked me what I remembered up to and I told them that I was waiting for a bus in the rain and then I woke up in the hospital because i fell. I tried getting in touch with Olive but after being ignored for a few weeks, I held up a bitch card and decided to drop her if she was going to drop me. I didn't think anything was wrong..

"So why are you back.."

"Good question. I had been looking for you for months because the next time I went to your house for a "friendly visit", the neighbors told me you had left for Hollywood. That was news to me, so I planned.. and waited.. and then made my move. I came here to find you. To destroy you. I never wanted you to be happy because that would mean I lost."

"Are you listening to yourself? You're insane!"

"Maybe. I'm surprised that it took us this long to get to this point, though."

"You'll never get away with this."

"Watch me."

I should have known what was coming next. Anticipated it, even. But maybe I'm a little too naive when it comes to matters like this.

His fist came in contact with my face and I was knocked off my feet. I had never been touched like that before and I screamed out in pain while scrambling for the exit again. A kick to my stomach sent me sliding to the wall and I gasped from the shock of the attack. I saw him standing above me through blurry eyes and prayed for someone to rescue me. I felt his foot fall hard on my elbow and I screamed out feeling my arm break. I was delirious from the pain now and knew I wouldn't be conscious for much longer.

"We'll finish our talk after my exhibit. I need to clear up you dirty blood before my guests arrive."

I screamed when he pulled me by the shoulders, not taking into consideration my already broken arm. He was dragging me somewhere and all of a sudden I could breathe in fresh air. We were in an alley behind the studio and after dragging me a few more feet into the shadows so no one could spot me, I guess, he dropped me and walked away.

I reached for my phone in my back pocket and dialed the first number that came up from my random button pressing.

"Hello?"

I couldn't concentrate on the voice anymore.

"Hello? Katie?"

I tried speaking but I couldn't hear myself.

"Katie? Katie, what's happening? Answer me!"

I was just so tired. And the pain was going away..

"Hello? Katie!"

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><p><strong>Fucking. Psycho.<strong>


	8. I Only Ask You To Turn Away

**Author's Note: For those of you who are still with me : I AM SO SORRY FOR BEING SO LAZY! I just couldn't think of writing anything :/ **

**For those of you who noticed I started another story (Harry Potter related), keep in mind that I'm getting rid of my frustrations with that story and it's not supposed to be HP based at all, actually. **

**For those of you who hate me: Sorry, sorry and sorry some more. It's a short chapter but I needed to set up Katie's departure. There will be more Jatie in the next chapter, I promise ! :)**

**I love all the reviews, though, so don't let my laziness influence any of you 3**

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><p>Katie could hear voices floating around her as she finally came back to consciousness. Groaning as her sore body protested her even blinking, she laid in the alley for what felt like an eternity. Constantly yelling at herself to get up in case Troy came back to "finish her off", it took her a few minutes to realize that he was probably entertaining guests at his exhibit. Meaning it was past 7 at night. Meaning she missed her flight. She cursed her awful luck but flinched since apparently thinking was too painful, as well.<p>

What was she going to do now? She somehow needed to get back to the apartment and get to the airport to change her flight time all without letting anyone in on the fact that she had been beaten and battered to unconsciousness a few hours ago. Wonderful.

She felt her phone in her hand and slowly lifted it up to her face to check the time. Shit. 8 missed calls. 13 texts. Thinking fast, Katie decided to ditch the phone and pretend she lost it when she got "mugged" on her way home from.. something. Too much thinking. But she had to make up a story..

"Hey! Hey! Miss! Are you alright?"

Katie groaned. Who the fuck was it now?

A hooded figure kneeled down beside Katie and felt for a pulse while examining the rest of her bruised body. She heard him swear.. he had a distinct British accent so she knew it was a stranger.

"Hey. Can you move?"

Katie groaned again.

"Alright. That's a no. Listen, I'm going to lift you up and get you to a hospital, yeah?"

Katie groaned louder this time but then remembered Troy was close by and instead opted to stare wildly at her savior.

"What? Ok, no hospital.. But I need to help you! You look awful! We have to let the police know about this."

"N..No.. Just. You."

The stranger lifted Katie up slowly and it took all her energy to not scream out in pain again. He held her gently so as not to press into any of her wounds. Slowly, Katie relaxed into his arms knowing she was safe.. for now, at least.

He decided to take her to his place to clean her up and from the looks of it, she needed a nice hot shower and a comfortable bed for the next few days. Emotionally, though, there was only so much he could do since he didn't know this girl at all. Her inner healing would take a lifetime, he knew. Setting her down on his bed, he went to the bathroom to get some medical supplies and a towel soaked in hot water to soothe her aching body. Katie was in a state of deliriousness, coming in and out of consciousness every once in a while. She knew someone was helping her and he was being very gentle, but he didn't seem familiar. He wasn't James.

The next time she was fully conscious (the next afternoon) Katie remembered about her flight to Minnesota and her waiting mother. Crying out was the only way she could express her distress and the stranger ran in to check up on her.

"What's wrong!"

"You have to give me your phone! I have to call my mom!"

"Ok ok, calm down. Here."

Katie told him the number to dial in since she was still too weak to move and made him put the call on speaker.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Mom?"

"KATIE? KATIE! IS THAT YOU?"

"Yeah! Mom, listen-"

"KATIE KNIGHT! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I'VE BEEN WORRIED SICK! I WAS GIVING YOU UNTIL TONIGHT BEFORE I CALLED THE POLICE! CARLOS AND LOGAN CALLED KENDALL TELLING HIM YOU NEVER CAME HOME! I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! KATIE! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING! WHOSE NUMBER IS THIS?"

"Mom. Mom, you have to calm down. There's something I need to tell you. But I need you to promise not to ask any more questions until I'm completely ready to tell everyone, ok?"

"Katie.. do you know how suspicious that sounds? ARE YOU PREGNANT?"

"NO MOTHER! I'm not pregnant.. Would you just listen to me..?"

"Yes. Yes, go ahead."

"This is for your ears only, mom. Something happened to me. And I don't know how to deal with it because it suddenly took a turn for the worse. I thought I was doing the right thing by confronting the problem but things got out of hand and now I'm in a position where I can't really do anything but run away. I know this isn't detailed at all but it's all I can give you for now, mom. You have to trust me. I am still coming home and we can talk then but for now you ABSOLULTELY have to trust that I am in safe hands now."

"Katie, I don't know what to think. Does this involve money? A bully?"

"A bully in a way, yeah."

"I know you're tougher than most girls your age, sweetheart, but you have to understand that you are still a girl.. I trust you but when you come home we are going to have a SERIOUS talk."

"I had a question. When is Kendall coming back to LA?"

"In two weeks, I think. Why?"

"I'll be home in two weeks then. Mom. You absolutely cannot tell Carlos, Logan, James, AND ESPECIALLY NOT KENDALL what I just told you right now. Tell them I'm away at summer camp or something."

"Wait wait wait.. you're not with Carlos and Logan right now? Where are you!"

"I'm with a friend…uhh. Alodie. I can't see them right now, mom. You know how they get. I'm dealing with this myself. I'll be home in two weeks."

"Katie.. I don't like the sound of this.."

"Please mom.. I'll call you twice a day if it makes you feel better."

"I trust you, Katie. I'm just worried.. and want you to come home.."

"I'll be home soon, mom. Don't worry."

Click.

Katie leaned back in the bed she was currently occupying and didn't realize someone was standing there until she heard him clear his throat.

"OHMYGOD."

Katie tried jumping out of the bed but ended up hurting herself and screamed out in pain. She looked up at the figure over her and offered a weak smile.

"Hi.."

He smiled. "Hi. Nice to see you awake.. and functioning, I guess."

"I can't express how grateful I am for all this. I don't know what would have happened if I stayed there.."

"It was a good thing I found you. You were pretty messed up."

"You didn't have to be so hospitable. You could have dropped me off at a hospital."

"You seemed pretty against that idea and I figured listening to the beat up girl in front of me made more sense than trying to explain to the authorities why I have a young bruised girl in my arms.."

"Good point. Thank you so much. I'm Katie, by the way. I'm sorry you got dragged into this mess."

"I'm Christian. And it really isn't a problem. What kind of person would I be to leave a pretty girl (or what I imagined to be pretty under all the bruises) behind in an alley?"

Katie tried laughing but ended up wheezing instead.

"Not much of a looker now, am I?"

"You have a few.. quirks."

"Quirks. Haha I like that. This is definitely the way I wanted to end up in a British guy's bed, by the way. It was all part of the plan."

"What? Passing out and being rescued. Quite elaborate, if you ask me. I would have settled for a simple serenade."

"I'll keep that in mind for my next fateful meeting with you."

He laughed. "So if you don't mind me asking.. what exactly.. caused this?" He gestured at the bruises covering her arms and legs.

"Hmm.. long story. And I don't want to get you involved even more. I'm sorry but I really don't want to let this turn into a bigger thing than it already is."

"No. No. It was my mistake to pry. I should just be happy that I got to rescue a pretty girl. I can be like.. a superhero!"

This time Katie really did laugh. "How old are you?"

"22."

"Oh. I'm 16."

"Ah. Well. My story is that you seduced me."

They spent the next few hours going back and forth like this until Katie was too tired to respond anymore.

"So I promise to get out of your hair once I'm able to walk around normally."

"I heard on the phone you don't leave for another two weeks, though."

"Yeah.."

"You are welcome to stay here for the time being if you like."

"I don't want to impose any more than I already have.."

"Looks like you don't really have a choice with all your secrets." He stuck his tongue out at her.

"I'll have to get back to my apartment to get some things and pack, though."

"That can be arranged, my lady."

"Then I accept your invitation, good sir."

"On a side note.. Alodie?"

"I was under pressure! Alodie was the first thing that came up.."

"I would have preferred Christine."

"Again. That's been stored away for future reference. Or when I feel the need to go shopping with my best British girl friend."

"It would be an honor." He grinned.

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><p>James Diamond was freaking out. He didn't know what he heard during that phone call but he had a bad feeling about it. He couldn't concentrate on his still shots and did even worse for the commercial shoots. He could tell the producer was growing frustrated with his lack of cooperation but he needed to know that she was ok.<p>

Quickly dialing Logan's number during his 5 minute break, James prayed Katie was home. He just needed to hear her voice.

"Hey man. How goes Cuda?"

"Great. How are things at home.. Katie still being a pain?" Smooth.

"Actually.. we haven't seen her since yesterday."

"…What."

"We called Kendall to tell him but Mrs. Knight came on the phone instead."

"And..?"

"She said Katie left for summer camp or something. Im not sure. Although, I'm kinda mad that she didn't even say goodbye."

James heard Carlos in the background say that she might have been too embarrassed to tell anyone in case it was band camp or something. Logan laughed."

"Listen, I gotta go. 5 minutes are up."

Click.

James was still suspicious. If she was going to camp why would she have called him and not spoken? No matter how embarrassing it was, hearing her voice made everything better. Something was wrong and it upset him a little that _his_ Katie was keeping secrets from him. He couldn't wait to get back home in 2 weeks.

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><p><strong>Short, yes. And Christian won't be sticking around for too long. Don't worry!<strong>


	9. Burning With A Lost Stare

**Author's Note: Woah! 2 chapters in 2 days! I'm on an update roll! And I bet everyone is just as excited as I am :D**

**So the previous chapter was really a filler until I figured out this one.. everything is back in Katie's POV since she's better now and not delirious or beat down. Let's just consider the previous chapter an out of body thing since she wasn't in a right state of mind because of Troy. **

**There's some tension towards the end, so be warned. Enjoy!**

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><p><em>One Month Later<em>

Damn. I missed this place.

It had been a month since I was at the PalmWoods and with everyone thinking I was away at summer camp I was given a warm welcome from most people. The truth is, I had gone home to Minnesota for the past month to escape from all the Troy drama. I made sure to avoid Kendall and the other boys by shutting my phone off and just living in peace with my mom in our small town. I told her everything the minute she picked me up from the airport. At first, as was expected, she wanted to go straight to the cops and file a report but I convinced her that I just needed to get away from the stress of outside forces and spend some time with my roots.

But now I was back for a new school year. It's surprising how fast a month can go by when all you really want is for time to slow down. I was in my junior year now and with the stress of SAT's and college tours to look forward to, I realized that my month long vacation was very much needed. I felt a lot better now, almost back to my normal self, and decided to put the past behind me. Troy could suck it for all I knew and if he came looking for me again, he would have a whole army to deal with.

Let me explain. I met a British guy named Christian, who actually rescued me from Troy's evil clutches and nursed me back to my healthy self. We became really good friends and as it turns out, he's an up and coming young director in Hollywood. He started off in England where his girlfriend lived, and he only came to the States for a project. This project was taking longer than expected, though, so he decided to set up house here and flew his girlfriend out once he was settled. They are amazing people and she wasn't even suspicious that he already had a girl living with him when she showed up.. True love and all that crap.

We became really close in the two weeks I spent with them and I ended up telling them my story; to which they responded that if anything like that happened again, I had to call Christian since his father was very influential in the high society of art and visual performances. I finally felt safe and with the added protective net of my mother, I felt ready to finally come back for a new school year.

My mom had found her own place in the next town over saying she needed the quiet life to survive, but she would still come over every other weekend. I opted to stay in the same high school and since the PalmWoods was really close to school, I chose to stay with the boys again. We had our stories sorted out in case any of them questioned me and mom separately. I was at dance camp for the time I was away. My phone broke due to a clumsy accident so I wasn't able to contact anyone. My abrupt departure was because the deadline for signing up had passed already and it took a lot of negotiations to get a spot.. so I had to drop everything and leave the first chance I could. Mom "knew" so no one could really get on my case about disappearing.

I walked into the apartment and looked around.. empty. My mom helped me settle in and then left a few minutes later because she had to move things into her new apartment, as well. I walked around the living room, inspecting every inch of space to see how they lived without me to keep them in line for a month. Oddly enough, it was clean.. as if no one had been living there. I decided to check out the different rooms. Everything was exactly as I had left it so I was feeling a little nostalgic. I walked back to the living room when I heard the key turning into the front door.

"…and then they were like "You can't have that corn dog" and I was like - KATIE!"

"What? You were like "Katie?""

"No! No! Look, it's Katie!"

I launched myself onto Carlos while both of us were screaming over seeing each other again. I was beyond excited.. He seemed fitter. I made sure to mentally note to ask him about that later.

Logan stood next to us waiting patiently for his turn but was still knocked sideways when I jumped on him next.

"Katie! Ohmygod, you're back! Do you know how worried we were? But then your mom said you went to band camp and we figured that was really embarrassing so we decided not to ask you about it. But we couldn't get in touch with you anyway. How are you? How was camp! I hope it wasn't a co-ed camp. Or if it was, I hope they had a metal fence separating the boys side from the girls side. Why are you so skinny-"

"Logan. Logan! Shutup!"

I heard Logan take a deep breathe, jeez this kid had a mouth on him. Carlos was too busy jumping around the living room chanting "She's back! She's back" so I was safe from his questions.

"Sorry. I just missed you, kiddo."

"I know. And it wasn't BAND camp, thank you. I was at DANCE camp."

"Oh. Well no one actually said band.. we just assumed.."

"Have you ever seen me play an instrument?"

"No.."

"Have I ever listened to instrumental music?"

"No.."

"Was I ever in the band in school?"

"Well.. no.."

"Kay." I walked away from Logan to join Carlos in jumping around. I felt lighter than I had felt in an entire month. This was what it felt like to be happy again.

Kendall came home a few hours later and we started the reunion process all over again. It was a little more subdued than with Carlos and Logan but I could tell he was happy to see me again. It had been more than a month since we had seen or spoken to each other.. I missed him. In all the catching up, though, I failed to notice one thing. Until it hit 9 PM and the boys said they were going to get dressed for a night out that I finally realized something was missing. Or someone..

"Where's James, guys?" Subtle. I hope I didn't sound as nervous as I was suddenly feeling.

"Oh. He said he'd be back around now. Must be off with Cardinal or something."

I coughed. "Cardinal.."

"Oh, right. You weren't here. Her name isn't really Cardinal, it's Ariana. We just call her that because she has flaming red hair. Like unnaturally bright red hair.."

Of course, Kendall, I wasn't here. I tuned him out the minute he mentioned that they had a nickname for her. Ariana. Ariana what? Where did she come from? Did he meet her in Cancun? Fuck me. It's been a month! He couldn't have waited a month? Obviously "summer camp" would come to an end at the END of summer.. which was NOW! And here I was. I was BACK!

"Uuhh.. Katie?"

I realized I was shaking and probably looked really crazy right now.

"What?"

"Are you ok?"

"Umm sure.. I got distracted. What did you say?"

"Oh I was just saying she's really cute. Kinda on the short side for James but then again, what girl isn't?"

WHAT THE FUCK, KENDALL? SHUTUP! I don't want to hear about how CUTE this girl is. Then again, she probably is.. James only goes for the pretty ones.

"And she's an amazing singer."

Just pile it on, why don't you?

"And she's really funny. She's not like the other girls James goes after, you know."

No. I wouldn't know. Please. Shutup.

"I think he really likes her."

I coughed again. I was upset but I couldn't bring myself to be angry.. I left everyone behind without a word so it's only natural to move on. It was just frustrating that he could move on within a month.. to someone prettier.. to someone who can be with him in public.. to someone else..

"Umm sorry, Kendall. I'm really not paying attention to you."

I felt sick.

"Ugh. Katie. You just got home and you're already ignoring me."

He was pouting but I really wasn't in the mood. I stood up to walk out but froze when the door opened for the third time that day.

It was him.

We both stood staring at each other for what seemed like forever; him at the front door, me next to Kendall.

Kendall broke us out of our trance, though.

"James, bro! Look! Katie's back!"

James continued to stare at me but managed to walk away from the front door and closer to where Kendall and I were. His eyes didn't come off mine.

"Katie." Not exactly the welcome I was expecting..

"James." I could play along.

"Umm.. are you guys ok? You're acting really weird.."

Kendall. Why does he insist on ruining my life? James flashed a grin at Kendall and walked away to his room. I felt my heart shatter into a hundred pieces.

"I'll be ready in half an hour!" The door clicked shut.

I looked back up at Kendall, my mouth dry and no emotion on my face. I was drained. Kendall smiled down at me and gave me a hug.

"I'm so glad you're home, Katie."

I gulped down my tears while my face was buried in his chest.

He let go and ran off to his room to get ready. "CARLOS! LOGAN! YOU GOT HALF AN HOUR!"

I was rooted to my spot in the living.

I'm glad to be home, too. I think.

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><p><strong>Sobsobsob. Poor Katie :(<strong>

**Also. Ariana.. It's Ariana Grande from Victorious. I love her.. but I love Jatie more so don't hate me!**


	10. Blowing Out My Mind

**Author's Note: OMG WHY SO MUCH ANGST? I'm so sorry for all the upcoming depression, but it will get happier! I hope..**

**After reading this chapter, I decided to do maybe 3-4 more and end it. But the question remains, happy ending or no?**

**The Troy thing will be cleared up in the next two chapters hopefully which will also contribute to the Jatie plot!**

**Give me feedback, people! I require assistance!**

**iluvbtr166: I love you. You're review made so much sense that I was smiling for the rest of the day thinking about it.**

**Science-Fantasy93: I missed you :) I hope you appreciate the intensity of this chapter. Drama seems to be all the rage these days **

**TheClaire24: Totally agreed. Ariana Grande, in my opinion, is so much better than Victoria Justice.**

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><p>We were currently on a music video set for the boys' latest song. It had been a month since my return and I had been busy with school and a social life so it was a nice break to hang out with the boys for once.<p>

By boys, though, I only meant Carlos, Logan, and Kendall.

James and I still hadn't spoken in the whole month since our one word greeting that night. We mostly kept out of each other's way; he stayed home when I was in school and then hung out with Ariana when I got home. It was like we never knew each other.

And I was devastated.

I distracted myself with homework and dancing and spending more time with Logan and Carlos, but there are only so many hours in a day. Eventually you have to go back to yourself, and it was during this time that I felt the worst.

I would think about what went on in his head that gave him the idea to move on so quickly. I wondered if he thought I was never coming back. I wondered if he was ever even serious about us. I know it wasn't publicized, but I didn't think he would have it in him to hurt me this way. He knew I had school.. that I was away at camp. It made sense that he was upset with me for leaving so quickly, but if I just got a chance to explain it all to him, I would tell him the entire truth.

I convinced myself foolishly that he was just being stubborn.

But he never so much as even looked at me anymore. I could tell the rest of the gang was suspicious in the beginning, especially Kendall, but they brushed it off as lovesickness over Ariana. Of course, they had to think it was Ariana. It seemed like everything was about Ariana these days.

I was surprised she didn't join the group at this set today. Secretly, though, I was glad.

The truth is, I had never met the girl. Kendall told me one night that James never brought Ariana home anymore. He didn't know why but they had taken to hanging out at her place or going out on dates most of the time. I shuddered to think what they were doing at her house, but at the same time I was happy that he didn't bring her around me. In fact, the only time she was ever brought up around the house was if Carlos or Kendall asked about her. Big mouths, I tell you.

I can't explain to you how much I missed him, though. Sadly enough, I loved him even more..

The set was amazing. They were going for a mysterious, haunted theme within a palace and they were the wounded princes stuck in their memories because the women they loved had left them broken.

The set director was currently taking me on a tour of the set and giving me a play by play of the entire music video while the boys were in makeup. So basically, they would all be in their own rooms with their memories surrounding them and suffocating them, never allowing them to escape. With each room, though, the boys would portray a different stage of grief.

Kendall (Isolation) would be in the main hallway as the modern prince brooding over his lost love, holding a ragged old bear with a bullet through its heart. Carlos (Anger) was the delusioned prince, hallucinating about his lover, unable to accept that she was really gone. Logan (Depression) would be the lost prince, confused over what to do with his life now that she was gone.

And James. When we entered his room, I was struck motionless at the beauty of the set in front of me. Constructed like a large Baroque dance studio, the wooden floor seemed to stretch on forever. The entire left wall was constructed of a reflective glass that acted like a mirror from a real studio. Across the hall, the right wall was entirely made up of windows that faced a courtyard meant to look like it had just finished raining. While half the room was stuck in shadows, the other half was bathed in sunlight streaming in from the windows.

James. James (Acceptance) would be the lonely prince, the one who overcame his loss and was now left to face this new world stronger and newer.

I stayed in James's room when the set director was called back to the front to begin shooting. I heard their song come on and decided, since I was alone, I would make use of this amazing opportunity to dance. Moving slowly to the muffled sound of the instrumental music playing around me, I closed my eyes and let my body make use of the dance floor.

"I've never seen you dance."

I didn't know how long I had been there but at the sound of his voice I dropped to my knees. Standing slowly, I noticed it was suddenly very silent around me. The sound of his shoes on the hard wood were deafening. Turning around to face him, I couldn't help but feel like trapped as he walked closer to me. He looked stunning.

Like a true prince, he stood tall and proud in front of me dressed in all black. His hair fell messily over his eyes but his gaze burned through my soul with so much intensity; I was afraid that if I looked away the spell would be broken.

I couldn't speak.

He took my hand and twirled me slowly.

"You look beautiful when you dance."

Still speechless. I felt stupid.

Suddenly I felt myself being pushed against the mirrored wall. I gasped as his hands were placed on the wall, giving me no room to escape. He loomed over me and I could feel myself beginning to hyperventilate, unable to look him in the eye anymore. He moved his hand in order to graze my cheek but I turned my face away from him.

I was furious and I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. He knew what this was doing to me but he kept at it. He had a girlfriend! Who did he think he was playing with?

His face moved closer to mine and I felt his breath against my ear; his entire body was almost pressing up against mine leaving little less than an inch between us.

"Why did you leave me, Katie?"

I shivered.

"Did you get tired of me?"

I felt myself shake my head, no, as the tears started to fall. This entire act he was pulling was killing me.

"Then why, Katie?"

I opened my mouth to reply but felt his lips instead. I gasped into him. His hands snaked their way around my waist, holding me in place. Before I knew it, I had melted into him. He tasted exactly the way I had left him. Felt exactly the way I had imagined for the past month.

But it still wasn't right. Something was off with the way he was pushing against me. It felt distant, like he was a stranger. I felt some more tears fall down before he pushed away from me.

I was helpless again and I hated it. What was wrong with me?

"I missed you."

"Liar." I whispered back. I had found my voice again!

"I missed you the second I left your bed."

"Liar."

"Why?"

"You never missed me."

I pushed him away from me. We stared at each other for another enternity.

"It's torture living with you knowing I can't have you."

"I'm sorry I make you so miserable, James."

He growled. Yes, he actually growled. I saw his fists clench up and took a step back in defense.

"Do you know what I went through? Being in Cancun. Getting a FUCKING PHONE CALL from you without a WORD? All I heard was GROANING, Katie! And barely a whisper, but I heard you say my name. And you're gonna tell me you went to camp? Something happened, Katie. Something you're hiding from me. I thought you trusted me."

"Of course I trusted you! I was going to tell you everything the day you came back! But YOU HAVEN'T SAID A WORD TO ME IN A MONTH, JAMES DIAMOND!"

"Do you know why? Because everytime I look at you, I wonder what I would have done if anything happened to you."

"Why didn't you talk to me?.. I waited.."

"I was in too deep. Seeing you in the living room made me realize just how far I had fallen. You're not good for me, Katie."

"Is that why.. Is that.. Ariana?"

"She found me. She fixed me. I was a mess when I didn't hear from you for the rest of the summer, worried about where you might be when everyone else believed you were at camp. I knew something was wrong.. a gut feeling or something. But I knew you weren't happy."

"I was coming home. I have a life here, you knew I'd come back."

"…I didn't want to wait for someone who could leave me so easily."

"IT WASN'T BY CHOICE, JAMES!"

"I love Ariana."

"And what about me, huh? You're just going to drop me now? What about how much I love you?"

"You ruin me."

"It was Troy.."

I saw him tense up.

"Troy?"

"Troy. Left me in a bloody mess by myself in an alley. I had to get away. You were all the way in Cancun! I didn't want to get you involved! Don't you understand? I love you too much to get you mixed up in my shit when so many good things are going on in your life!"

"You were the best thing in my life, Katie. I wanted you to trust me."

"I needed a break."

"And that's what you got. And it's what I got. She gave me a new life."

"Don't do this, please.."

Silence.

"You don't know what you're doing to me. You're killing me."

Silence.

"James…"

I pleaded and I cried. I felt him wrap his arms around me, holding me to him.

"I love you so much, princess. But we were never supposed to come so far.."

His lips captured mine again and this time we were both too engrossed in each other to realize that everything we were doing here was wrong. A mistake. Something we would never be able to take back.

Unbuttoning his jacket, I wrapped my legs around him as he undid my jeans and let them drop to the floor.

There was no turning back now.

But there was nothing to look forward to, either.

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><p><strong>I'm wondering what you all thought of James in this chapter. I kind of like the conflict of him pushing his feelings aside but at the same time he knows he's killing himself, too, by doing it. <strong>


	11. I Hope That I'm Not Dreaming

**Author's Note: It's been four months, I know :( So sorry to everyone and thank you for the patience! I don't think this chapter is as good as the others because I kind of lost my flow in the past few months but I'll pick it up in the next few. **

**To those of you still around: Thank you for sticking around and filling up my inbox with requests to continue. I needed the motivation. Love you all! 3**

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><p>We pretended it never happened. He walked out before I even had a chance to catch my breath and didn't take a single look back. The door that shut behind him voiced our final goodbye.<p>

The music video was a hit around the world as we all predicted it would be. It had the perfect theme for Halloween and got most of the PalmWoods ready for the festivities.

Halloween was still a week away and I had no idea what I was dressing up as. With all that happened at the music video set, I was too caught up in my own grief and regret to notice anything around me. I spent most of my time in school now, hanging out with girls my age, talking to boys my age, studying and working. I kept my mind as busy as possible so that I didn't have to think about that day.

James had taken to bringing Ariana around to the apartment more often now. As if showing her off in front of me to prove something; that it was possible for him to get over me, that I would never be in her place. The first few days were miserable and her bubbly personality left me in tears every time but slowly I found myself warming up to her.

She was perfect.

I mean, I'm pretty amazing myself, but she had something about her that I couldn't explain.

Something that attracted everyone to her.

James was lucky to have her. He seemed genuinely happy to have her and I was trying my hardest to be happy for them.

Haha, I'm all grown up now.

The PalmWoods was throwing its first Halloween party and everyone was allowed to bring two guests. I immediately sent out invites to Christian and his girlfriend but Amelia (her name) had flown back to London to visit her relatives so only Christian would be attending. We decided to go as a themed pair but couldn't figure out what couple to embody.

I was going through magazines on the couch looking for motivation when Ariana walked into the apartment.

When the hell did she get a key to this apartment and why was I not informed about it?

I didn't glance up at her as she walked to James's room to see if he was there.. or when she realized he wasn't and sat down on the couch next to me, instead.

Please leave. I can't stand your red hair right now.

"Hi, Katie!"

Seriously. It's kind of late for a hello.

I grunt in response.

"Do you know what you're going to be for Halloween yet? James and I are going as Ariel and Eric."

I wonder why. As if that wasn't the most obvious choice for you.

"No."

"Oh. Do you need any help? Kendall said I should talk to you because he's not so good with sisterly advice and stuff.."

"You're not my sister."

"I know but I wish I was. I've always wanted a little sister to hang out with."

What are you trying to do? Nice me to death?

"Hmm."

"I think you would look beautiful as a Greek Goddess or something.. Your big eyes and long brown hair.. With the right make up you'd look stunning."

I get up and look down at her. How can you not get the hint that I DO NOT want anything to do with you? Do you realize I slept with your boyfriend?

"Sorry. I need to be somewhere."

She looks a little disappointed.

"Oh. It's ok. I'll just wait here for James.."

Yeah. You do that. Wait for him like he never waited for me.

I end up walking down to the laundry room and give Christian a call.

"Hello?"

"Hey Chris.."

"Katie! Hi whatsup?"

"Hiding."

"From the fire demon?"

I laugh. Christian knows all about James and me and basically supported me through the whole mess we had created.

"Of course. I'm upset but she did give me an amazing Halloween idea.."

"Oh what's wrong with her! Of all the things she could do to you!"

"…Are you done?"

I can see feel his smirk through the phone.

"Yeah yeah.. tell me this brilliant idea then."

"We could go as Persephone and Hades!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Hello?"

"Persephone and Hades.."

"Yeah.."

"I'm assuming I will be Persephone then since I have the better skin out of the two of us."

I really want to punch him in the face right now but end up laughing instead.

"As if! With that nasty breath of yours, you can ONLY be the king of the underworld."

"Ouch. Hurtful. But that is a good idea.. I'm down."

I laugh.

"Alright, Hades. See you in a few days to get our costumes ready."

"I'll make sure to dress in stealth mode to make the kidnapping effective. We have to get into character."

I'm seriously about to fall off this washing machine if I keep laughing like a maniac.

"I'll be waiting. Bye!"

"Bye!"

That put me in a much better mood but I still don't feel like going up to apartment. I decide to mope around with the laundry some more.

I get ready at Christian's apartment so that when we arrive it will be a surprise. It's a masquerade which makes things even more fun because no one will guess who I am or who I'm with. The guys all expect me to dress up as a werewolf or something and show up with someone from school. I'm more excited about surprising them than over how amazing Christian and I look together. We pose for a few photos on his phone to text to Amelia and then take one final look in the mirror before heading out.

My dress is a simple strapless and it's cream colored but closer to white. It flares out at my waist but falls in flowing layers of silk and net. The front of the skirt stops at my thighs but creates a small train of layers as it circles around my back. I'm wearing white satin ballet shoes with the ribbons tied around my legs all the way up to my knees. I have my hair curled and pinned behind me so that my shoulders and neck are bare. There's powder all over my face, neck and chest to provide the huge contrast between my partner and myself. My mask covers everything from my eyebrows to chin leaving only the right side below my eye open. It is white but has a gold outline and decorations that make it all the more surreal. I love it.

For the king of the Underworld, Christian sure looks good. Dressed in all black the effect comes from the cape he wears around him. It's a full-length black cape but it has a fur lining around the neck that goes down to his waist. His mask is a simple black Venetian mask with the long, pointed nose. He looks terrifying but in a sexy way, if that makes sense.

I wish Amelia was here as his Persephone right now.

Everyone seems to already be at the party when we arrive but besides looking at us for our elaborate costumes, no one seems to recognize me.

I whisper my observation to Christian as we head over to the registration desk to list our (character) names in the guestbook. He nods and makes me take my arm as he leads me through the crowd. We create a sort of fashion show, not talking to anyone and looking through them as we pass, but making note of who is who behind their costumes.

Kendall, Carlos, and Logan are in the corner by the bar as the Three Musketeers.

Gustavo is dressed as himself..

Kelly is .. Nicki Minaj? I'm confused, too.

I don't realize I'm looking for them until I spot her flaming red hair. She has a version of Ariel's blue and black human dress on but the blue bow in her hair gives her away. They haven't worn masks, I notice, but have instead painted their faces so that in a certain light they almost glow.

I don't even have to look at him to know that he will look stunning. He has his white button down on with the top buttons undone, jeans, and boots. So simple yet so noticeable at the same time.

I make Chris promise me that we have to be on opposite sides of the room from them at all times. We make our way over to the bar by the Three Musketeers but keep a distance so that I'm not recognized.

They will never change. I can hear every word perfectly.

Kendall: "I wonder where Katie is. She wouldn't even tell me what her costume was.. or who her date is.."

Pouty. You'll find out soon enough.

Logan: "I can't wait to see her. I bet it'll be a werewolf hybrid!"

I hear Christian snort next to me. I roll my eyes.

Carlos: Ohmygod! What if she's a gorilla werewolf hybrid?"

I'm ready to give up on them when I hear another voice.

"I heard gorilla werewolf hybrid! Where?"

James.

Carlos: We're guessing that's Katie's costume. So be on the look out."

James: "Oh. Who is she coming with?"

Why do you care?

Kendall: "She wouldn't even tell me."

Ariana: "It must be someone special then. You guys better be nice when you meet him… Ouch! James! You just spilled your drink on me!"

James: "Oh! .. Oh. Sorry. I didn't even realize. I'm so sorry."

Ariana: "Forget it. I'll be right back."

I watch her leave and then look at the four boys standing a few feet away from me. Kendall, Carlos, and James are having a debate over whether gorillas and werewolves could really reproduce. I turn toward Logan and find him staring right at me.

Shit. I give Christian's arm a squeeze so he can look over to confirm what I saw.

He nods.

Damn. Guess my cover is blown. I look back at Logan who points to the balcony across the hall and starts walking. I glance at Christian and tell him I'll be back in a second before following Logan outside.

"You look beautiful, Katie.. or should I say, Persephone?"

He always was the smart one.

"Hi Logan."

"I've missed you."

"We live in the same house.."

"We might.. but you're not there anymore. Ever since the music video shoot, something had been off."

Maybe a little too smart..

"I've just been really focused on school and dance."

"You're distracting yourself."

"From what?"

"You tell me. I kept asking myself the same thing but now I think I know what it is."

He needs a vacation. He's getting too intuitive for his own good.

We stare at the dance floor for a few second before I speak.

"There's nothing to go back to."

"That's because you haven't noticed."

"…What?"

"The way he still stares at you. When we're eating dinner and he drops his food because he's too busy watching you. When you come home from school and his eyes light up and stare at the door as you walk in. When he's watching a movie with Ariana but you walk out of your room for a small snack. The way he tenses up when anyone talks about you. The way he loses focus when anything reminds him of you—"

"Stop. What are you trying to prove?"

"That you both think there's nothing left when there clearly is still something there."

"Not for me."

"Don't lie to me, Katie."

"I gave him up the day of the music video shoot. He made his wishes clear."

He sighs. I see him make his way back to the entrance to the dance floor.

"You don't know what you're doing.. I wish I could make you see."

I let Christian twirl me around the dance floor for a while but my thoughts are plagued with Logan's talk from before.

"He might be right, you know."

I look up at Christian and resolve not to let this ruin our night.

"No. It doesn't matter anyway. Let's get some drinks."

We make our way to the bar but realize Ariana and James had the same idea.

I order our drinks but realize Christian is missing. I look over to James and he gives me a small smile.

"I guess our dates just abandoned us.."

I look down at my drink.

"Don't take it personally. He said he wanted a chance with the sea for a change. Smooth talker, that one."

"And you let him?"

His laugh warms my stomach and I realize how much I've missed him.

"He presents no threat. No one would be able to willingly leave such a beauty as you. What do they call you?"

"Persephone."

"And he is Hades. Kind of says something about your relationship.. No offense."

I crack a smile. My mouth is dry and it's difficult for me to keep speaking.

I ask him if he wants to dance.

"Sure."

Back in his arms.

I feel lightheaded and can't keep my eyes away from his. We're the only people left in this world right now but he doesn't realize it.

"You remind me of someone."

"Oh? Who?"

"Someone I used to know."

Me.

"Where is she now?"

"I don't know. I lost her recently but never made an effort to look."

I feel myself choking back tears.

"She might have been waiting for you."

"No. The day I lost her was the day she gave me up."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I hurt her."

The tears well up in my eyes now.

"She might be the forgiving type."

"She is. She's wonderful. But we reached a point we could never turn back from."

"I'm sorry."

I'm not. I want him to be stronger for me. I want him to fight.

"Sometimes I feel bad for Ariana because she has to deal with my bullshit."

"You mean Ariel?"

He laughs.

"Yeah. Haha I'm sorry for putting this on you. I could tell that girl anything and you just give me the same feeling."

I smile.

"It's alright. Dancing and listening go well together."

"Clearly."

I stop moving after a second and look up at him.

"I think you should keep looking for her.."

"I can't."

"Why? You obviously want to."

What the fuck! Can you make up your mind?

"I can't hurt Ariana like that.."

I'm furious.

"Then stop thinking about her. You're only making it worse on yourself and her. Especially her."

"You're right but I can't live without her.. or Ariana."

I want to slap his pretty face right off.

"Then you need to man up and decide what you want before it's too late."

"Hey. Why are you getting so upset?"

"Because! Because you're being ridiculous!"

"You don't know a thing about me!"

"I know you. I know the type of guy you are. And let me tell you that you're nothing great. You hurt girls more than you love them and in the end you're left alone because you don't know what you want."

"Shutup."

I grab his wrist and before he can realize what's going on, I manage to pull him out into the lobby. I push him against a wall and lean into him.

"Make me."

I begin to pull my mask off my face but his hands stop me.

"Dont."

"Why not.. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't."

"I have a girlfriend."

"That didn't stop you before."

He's speechless. He's trying to process what I just said. I take this time to take my mask off and reveal myself to him. Still speechless. But his hands are on my shoulders now.. I guess that's a start.

"Katie.."

I lean in and feel his lips against mine. My mask falls to the floor and the thud makes me come back to my senses.

What am I doing?

I take a step back and look at him. I can sense my own fear and confusion masked in his eyes and we both stare at each other for what feels like an eternity. There is nothing more I can do. I lose.

I walk past him to go back into the hall.

This time his hand doesn't grab mine to stop me.

This time it was he who let me walk away.


	12. It's An Ache I Still Remember

**Author's Note: Another chapter yay! :D**

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><p>I'm still so sleepy. It's like two in the afternoon but I can't bring myself to get out of bed. I keep thinking about last night's Halloween party and where it leaves me in James's life.<p>

Moping.

Sighing.

Moping some more.

But wait.

What am I doing?

I jump out of bed and start pacing up and down my room. Wasn't he the one who jumped me at the music video set? Wasn't HE the one who started this whole mess?

I. WILL. NOT. BE. PUSHED. ASIDE.

At this point I'm pretty much beyond furious at how long it took me to take a stand against this situation. I refuse to sit around and mope over someone who clearly still loves me but doesn't have the balls to do anything about it. No. Passive Katie is gone. Mopey Katie is gone. It's my turn to be in control now.

I decide to take a shower before setting my new plan into action. Everything comes down to the way I look and act in the next 2 hours to see if I really should take a stand.

After my shower, I straighten my hair out so that it falls down my back like a shiny brown curtain. I brush my fingertips with some jasmine perfume and brush it through my hair gently. I pick out my booty shorts and a white tee, leave the 3 buttons running down my chest open, and roll up the sleeves. I make sure to wear my black bra with the animal print lace outline underneath. I apply a very thin line of eyeliner to just darken them a little and smudge some light pink gloss over my lips to make them look pouty.

Satisfied, I walk out of my room barefoot.

Carlos and James are on the couch playing some video game but I choose to ignore them and walk over to the kitchen for some food. I decide to make pancakes (…I know it's 3 in the afternoon.. but it's never too late for pancakes, right?). I know for a fact that the pancake mix is on the top shelf so I get on my toes, stretch my arm out as far as it can go.. and moan.

I smirk because I know he heard me. I pretend to take a break from reaching up for the box and then try again. I whine louder this time.

I hear him get off the couch and time myself perfectly to reach for the box and bring it down. He's standing right behind me when I turn around again. I give him the biggest smile I can manage.

"I'm making pancakes!"

Before he can reply, I turn around again and bend down to take out a bowl for the mixing. Knees straight, Katie. Back arched, knees straight. I know my ass is about a centimeter from his crotch at this point so I stay down for a few more seconds.

When I get up, I turn around and smile at him again.

"Do you want any?"

He coughs and nods nervously. I have to hide my face in the fridge to hide my growing smirk. I pour some milk into a small cup so that I won't make extra work for myself by dropping the whole bottle later. He's still standing in the same spot so I "accidentally" bump into him and spill the milk on the floor.. and his pants.

I want to evil laugh so badly but instead I pop my mouth into the perfect "o" and drop down to the floor to clean up.

"Ohmygod. I'm so sorry!"

In the meantime, my hands are holding the crotch of his pants trying to wipe up the spilled milk.

Cough. "…No.. no. It's okay." Cough. "No, seriously, Katie… It's uhhhhh."

I cover my face with my hair because now I'm on all 4's wiping up the milk I spilled on the floor.. and I'm just dying to start laughing. When I know my face is in control again, I push my hair back and move my arms back and forth so that my cleavage is pushed out while I wipe. When I'm done I sit up on my knees and look up at him while biting my lip.

"I really am sorry.." Bite lip. Pout. Perfect.

He has no idea what to do and I can tell the room suddenly got a little too warm for his taste at this point.

"No.. No.. I'll umm.. I was in the way. Yeah.. I'll just get out of the way.. Because I was in it.. The way, I mean. I was.. Yeah.."

I shrug and get up to continue making the pancakes while he cautiously makes his way back to the couch. Score.

When I'm done with the pancakes I call all 4 boys out to the island so that we can settle down and eat. I make sure Carlos and Kendall are on one side, James at the head, and Logan and me on the other side. While the boys dig in, I take my time to pour the syrup onto my pancakes and take off the extra from the bottle with my finger. I don't bother looking at him as I stick my finger in my mouth and lick the syrup off my finger, smiling in satisfaction once it's all off.

I take my sweet time cutting the pancake into small bites and chewing slowly and carefully. By the time I'm done, the guys are just getting up to head back to their rooms. James is still seated and apparently deep in thought. I creep up next to him and bend down in front of him so that my hair is in his face to pick up his plate. While I'm at the sink, I hear his chair scrape back and hear him mumble something about going to his room. Score 2.

Taking my time again, I clean up the kitchen, wash my hands, and tidy up around the house before finally making my way over to his room. He's in the bathroom when I walk in so I situate myself on his bed in a perfectly poised, innocent way. I keep my eyes downcast and glance up shyly when he walks out.

Fuck. He's shirtless. I wasn't prepared for this.

He stands at the bathroom door staring at me and it takes me a few seconds to recover and speak up.

"We need to talk."

Still staring.

Why is he so toned? His arms are like.. Wait. Katie. Focus. I pat the space on the bed next to me indicating that he should take a seat.

He nods and sits down. I can feel the heat coming off of him and I squirm a little.

I clear my throat before speaking again. This is harder than I thought.

"How are you?"

"Ok."

"It's a nice day out.."

Really? Weather?

"Yeah."

This is going nowhere..

"When does the tour begin?"

"Next month."

Ok.. two words. Better.

"Where are you going first?"

"Iowa."

Sigh. Here goes nothing.

"Ok. Stop. Look at me."

His eyes find mine, daring me to say something.

"What are we doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"We were so much more than this, James."

"Things change."

"Why did they change, though?"

"…"

"They didn't have to change.. We just didn't try hard enough."

"I did try, Katie. I tried but you shut me out. It was bad enough that you LIED to me but after all this time, you still haven't told me where you went. You still haven't told me what really happened to you. I thought you trusted me but I guess I was wrong."

He was still upset about that? Wow. Wow. That's all I can say.

"You're right. I guess you did try.. but how long did that last, James? Two days? A week? How long was it before you found Ariana? Because I was only gone for a MONTH. Four weeks, James. And I came back. I came back for you."

"Don't turn this around on me."

"Why not? I thought I meant something more than your other girls who you drop every month but I didn't expect you to do the same to me."

"You did. You were my world. But you hurt me so much. I was so worried. I couldn't sleep at night. I couldn't breathe."

"So what? You lose faith in my love for you after a few days? So what if I hurt you? It shouldn't have only taken you a few days to get over it and move on. If you really loved me, you would have waited."

He stands up in frustration.

"Don't. Don't you dare question my love for you."

"What do you expect me to do? I come home expecting you to welcome me with open arms but I get nothing. Nothing! How much do you think that hurt me? How much do you think it still fucking hurts me when I see you with her? AND THAT'S BEEN GOING ON FOR TWO MONTHS NOW.. You had what? Less than a month of pain? Wow. Congratulations. You lived."

"Who the fuck do you think you are, anyway? I'm not the type to sit around waiting on a girl to leave and come back whenever she wants."

I'm stunned. Does he even realize what he's saying? I get off the bed slowly and walk towards him. I look down at his hands and take one in mine.

"No. No I guess you're not… But you know what hurt me the most? You didn't have to pretend like we never happened. Like I was nothing but another girl you forget about once you find a new one. I'm not a stranger.. I've known you since the day I formed my first memories. Regardless of what happened between us, I thought we had a stronger bond that would bring us back together.."

I keep focusing on our hands because I don't want to let myself cry. I know I won't because I'm just tired now.. But you can never be too sure.

"Leave."

I gasp. What did he just say? I look up at his face trying to figure out what he's thinking.

"Get out of my room."

"James.."

"I said. Leave."

I blink and walk backwards toward his door. His eyes are looking past me and I realize that I hit the mark right on the X. Score 3.. but I feel like shit.

I stare at him for a few seconds and whisper to him before walking out.

"It's because you know I'm right."

I see Logan leaning against the couch when I walk out. I want to walk past him and hide in my room but I know he wants to talk. I look questioningly toward the room where Carlos and Kendall are hanging out wondering why they aren't here but Logan answers my thoughts for me.

"I turned up the music in the room once I heard you walk into James's."

"Oh. Thank you."

"What were you planning on accomplishing, Katie?"

"How much did you hear?"

"Enough."

"I just wanted to clear the air.."

"And I'm assuming you didn't?"

"I might have made things worse."

"I'm sorry."

"No. It's my fault. He had a valid point in the beginning but now he's just being unreasonable."

"It's not unreasonable. He knows what he wants but he doesn't want to hurt an innocent person while trying to get it."

"You mean Ariana."

"She's an amazing girl, Katie. Either you accept that or do your worst."

"I think you already know what I'm going to do."

He sighs. "I thought I could change your mind but I won't even try now."

"Why aren't you going to stop me?"

"Because at the end of the day I want you and him to be together more than Ariana and him."

"Please don't change your opinion of me.."

"I know you'll do your best to keep her from getting hurt.. And I respect you for fighting for what you want."

I can't find the words anymore so I just hug him as tight as I can hoping to get all my emotions out. He strokes my hair and I feel a newfound love for Logan.

"I love you, Logan."

"I love you, too. Just be careful."

I nod into his shirt.

I hear James's door open but stay hidden in Logan's shirt until I feel safe enough to come out.

"Be ready in an hour. We're going out."

Before I can reply, his door is shut and I'm left speechless once again. I can feel my heart ready to burst out of my chest and a nervous sweat begins to form on my forehead. I feel sick and if it wasn't for Logan's arms, I would have been on the floor by now.

"Stay calm."

I nod again.

My mind is racing a mile a minute.

But one thing stands out clearly at the front.

I will get him back.


End file.
